All things LOVE - Heal Your Heart! How to heal your heart after a broken relationship!

Episode 2 of our series on All things LOVE! In the lead up to Valentine's Day this series is in recognition of the importance role love plays in society! 

This episode is on how to Heal Your Heart after a broken relationship. 

Our special guest is Miranda Claire (“The Soulmate Coach”). A relationship and mindset expert, speaker, coach and writer plus matchmaker! Miranda has been a relationship expert for over 11 years after studying and working extensively (over the last two decades) in the area’s of relationships, human behaviour, positive psychology/mindset, matchmaking and personal transformation/development. Miranda is an internationally certified Master coach and trainer on these subjects and certifies and coaches other coaches and psychologists.

How to best connect with Miranda:

Website: www.mirandaclaireinternational.com

Email: miranda@mirandaclaireinternational.com

About me&my Health Up & Host

me&my Health Up seeks to enhance and enlighten the wellbeing of others. Host Anthony Hartcher is the CEO of me&my wellness which provides holistic health solutions using food is medicine, combined with a holistic, balanced, lifestyle approach. Anthony holds three bachelor degrees in Complementary Medicine; Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine; and Chemical Engineering.

Podcast Disclaimer
Any information, advice, opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical, health care or other professional advice, and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this Podcast. [Connected Wellness Pty Ltd] operating under the brand of “me&my health up”..click here for more

Transcript

Anthony Hartcher 0:01
Hello fellow lovers to another episode of me&my health up, the mini-series on all things love. The purpose of this miniseries is to enhance and enlighten your relationships. I'm your host Anthony Hartcher. I'm a clinical nutritionist and lifestyle medicine specialist.

In this episode, heal your heart. We welcome back Miranda Claire, the soulmate coach, our relationship and mindset expert, speaker, coach, and writer plus not to forget matchmaker. Maranda has been a relationship expert for over 11 years and studying and working extensively over the last two decades in the areas of relationships, human behavior, positive psychology, mindset, matchmaking and personal transformation slash development. Miranda is an internationally certified master Coach and Trainer on the subjects and certifies and coaches, other coaches, and psychologists.

Welcome Miranda, how are you today?

Maranda Claire 1:13
Well, what a mouthful. I've been a busy girl over the last two decades. Thanks for the intro. Very good. Great to be back.

Anthony Hartcher 1:20
Excited, so awesome to have you back and for those that are watching the episode, I'm wearing pink, pink, my daughter's pink earphones.

Maranda Claire 1:30
Feminine energy's last podcast, really resonated with Anthony, he's really nailing it today.

Anthony Hartcher 1:38
I can't tell my daughter so she doesn't watch this, YouTube will find that because I haven't got permission to use it. But anyway, let's recap the highlights of last discussion. So the last episode with Miranda, we spoke about leaving a relationship and how to leave a relationship and Miranda's key point there was not to leave a stone unturned, because essentially, you don't want to take any of the baggage from your previous relationship into the next one.

You want to you know, start on a clean slate and that's exactly what we're going to go through today is how to start out again, and really hit the ground running in terms of relationship success. So you're not dabbling and having hit miss, hit miss, hit miss, we're going to really talk you know, get some good strategies as to how you can do it, and get back on the relationship bandwagon.

We also spoke in the last episode about effective cons because this helps, even when you're starting out a new relationship or wanting to end an old relationship or wanting to rekindle the love in the old relationship. So we spoke about walk and talks and how effective those walking talks are, and the love sandwich. So if you didn't listen to the last episode, I really recommend you jump in and listen to the previous episode because it's especially good for just maintaining success and the love in an existing relationship. Anything to add Miranda.

Maranda Claire 3:13
Oh for those that find the love sandwich a bit too touchy-feely, I have been known as caught the ship sandwich as well. So there's something for everyone on that, that last session and, and lots of really great nuggets that even if you listen to re-watch that a couple of times took notes and applied it to your relationship. This way, I would put money on the fact that you will get a breakthrough within a relationship.

And if you are single, you could explore taking these principles and doing it with one of your people in your tribe that you want to build more intimacy or connection with, or possibly even do the light-hearted version with people that you're getting to know on the dating scene as well.

Anthony Hartcher 3:49
Perfect. Yeah, so let's switch gears and hook into you've left a relationship or you've long left a relationship, how to get started again. So this heals your heart and let's start out with some helpful strategies from Miranda as to how to restart and reboot and have love success.

Maranda Claire 4:11
We could even rename this one heal your sheets for the people. That um we, That's one thing about me that you get used to I believe that love is a real balance of tough love and soft love. So it's very magical and healing your heart or do your share it really acknowledges both of those polarities.

And I love the couples and the singles that I work with enough to be tough love at times, or soft, soft love and others to be an example of the kind of relationship which you have with yourself, which is a combination of those things and the relationship we should have with others whether it's romantic, or other now, when it comes to healing your heart after a breakup by approach these in a very clean two-step process.

Step one is all about self-love, and it's all about self dating. Step two is all about soulmate or soul mating and no pun not intended more focused on the soul rather than the mating component of that we can, we can save that for another episode on. I'm definitely the soulmate coach rather than the hook-up coach, you know what I mean?

So what I believe we need to do under the first component of the two, which is the self-love self dating is treated. So I apologize if I'm looking down, I have written down notes because I'm a visual personality. Thanks for noticing, and the first one steps one, or one a of the self-love self dating is all about healing your heart, which is conveniently the name of this part of the series and it's really about healing your patterns within a relationship to do with your heart to do with love to do with romance, and it's about enhancing your strength, but making magnetics love that healing your wounds and your blockages that hold you back or sabotage you around love.

Now some of those patterns have to do with how you show up in a relationship, who you bring to a relationship, what goes on with the Unionists in that relationship, and also what you're attracting or not attracting in terms of the dimness. So an example of a pattern that could be reoccurring with the dimness is do you keep attracting narcissists?

Do you keep attracting people that are emotionally unavailable? Do you keep attracting love traffic triangles, or fears or unavailable people, and once it's easy to point the finger and say, God, there's so many of those people out there, what you need to recognize is the only common denominator and whilst it's not your fault, and this is not about being a victim, or blaming yourself, it's about taking responsibility and saying I can be angry about the fish, I keep catching or I can get curious about the date I kept putting on that book.

Now, it doesn't mean that there are not sharks out there, I get it, but if we're constantly just wanting to find Nemo, we may miss the big breakthrough around what it is to attract Nemo or not attract Nemo and attracting sharks. And so it's about healing your heart so that you can put the correct date on that book, attract your ideal pattern and your ideal mate.

Also be okay if you don't have anyone because that person doesn't complete you. That person is just someone that you get to hold hands with on this adventure in this journey and this rollercoaster called life, but that journey is your journey and if we have any wounds or gaps in our heart, they can be so tempting for someone to come in and fix us and heal us and be our therapist or feeling our wounds.

And wounds are not there to just be covered over there to be healed and it's no one's job except ours. So in order to do the work, not to attract a co-dependent rescuing toxic relationship, we need to rescue ourselves and really heal our own heart, and that's the work that I do but there's so many Do It Yourself practices around self-love if you want to do the independent approach, but one of the beauties of having a coach is that they can point out your blind spots and often our deepest wounds are unconscious.

So just like you would go to a doctor and get an x-ray if you had an issue internally. Sometimes you need to see the loved doctor and actually inquire what your deep unconscious heart blockages are, there can only be gotten to by someone that has that X-ray vision and that level of qualification experience to help you get in there and really discover those wounds and heal them rather than just covering them up with the next relationship and wondering why that same old wound seems to fester. Again, it's the same person, same pattern, different bodies, different places, and often even that's not that different. I've met clients that keep dating Steve, same age, same pattern. And I'm like, well, the universe is having a real giggle with you on this one. But listen, keep showing up until you actually get the lesson.

And part two of the self love with that heal your heart and the patterns and what not being part one apart from one b, so to speak would be mastering your mindset. Now, that might sound similar to mastering your heart, but it's slightly different. Your heart is like your unconscious wounds, which typically are only activated when you're triggered in a relationship or triggered because you're out of a relationship. What is that holding your heart? That's what I mean by healing your heart.

Whereas when it comes to mindset, it's about what is your self talk? What is your identity? What is your language around relationships? Are you using language like the man drought are all women and money diggers or everyone want one thing online dating is cheap and nasty? Or if you've got a mindset that is like an abundance mindset. I have not had a million feathered relationships. I've had a million dress rehearsals and I am ready to make the one and I can't wait and bring on one more dressers rehearsal. That's what I need or bring on my soulmate. That's what I'm ready for. I'm open to both.

That's a growth mindset around soulmates and it's going to attract different things. You're going to notice different things. You're going to hold us differently, you can attract like minded people and like attracts like, if you are negative and heavy around relationships, you're really going to attract people that are negative and heavy around it will give you stuff to be negative and heavy about. Because we like being right. We like that feeling of certainty and so we manifest things that reinforce the certainty and then the vicious cycle continues, or we can jump out of those patterns and actually master our mindset deliberately, and consciously, and decide the kind of people experience and opportunities we want to start noticing.

We want to start manifesting, and we want to start bringing it into our life. And it's not something where you just wake up and go, I'm going to be positive, it is a real fine-tuning of your self talk the words you use the words, you don't use your language, your mindset, being solution-focused or being problem-focused. And a lot of the time that has to do with the unconscious programming, which kind of overlaps with the Healing Hearts, healing your unconscious mind, and healing your patterns around psychology as well.

And then number three is the or self-love, you know, part one, see, I think I'm up to one A is really hard one B is mastering mindset, and one C is the makeover. So even though that can sound quite superficial, it's actually quite deep and incredibly non-negotiable. When it comes to sound like you guys are listening to me and the amazing Anthony now. And if you're still listening, it means you made up your mind about us in the first 10 seconds, and you decided I associate positivity to these people, I associate positivity with this content, or I'm on the fence and I'm curious to hear more, if you guys thought not, don't buy them don't have rapport don't like them, you're probably not still on this call, and that decision would have been made in the first 10 seconds possibly before we even opened our mouth.

And that decision was based on things like our personality, which was shown through our energy, our eye contact our body language, our tone of voice, our appearance, maybe you hate red lipstick, maybe you love it. Maybe you like pink earphones, maybe hate it and it sounds trivial, but we are all present and it gives us and if you do not like or do not agree with the gift wrapping, you ain't going to open the prison and so from a soulmate perspective, I work with clients to very hands-on transform things like always, always the inner work the psychology in the heart, we heal that stuff. First, most important and we get to the point that you would date you on the inside, you would date your soul, you would date your life, you would date you as a package.

But part of that package is the make-over of the gift wrapping that package. So it's about making over you're not just you're becoming the best version of us for you internally, but also looking at style. What's your clothing? Like? What's your communication? Like? What's your Tinder profile? Like? What is your home life? You can even have things way that is conducive to soulmates? Or has the opposite effect, you really want to be that whole package. Think about when you're dating someone, you are constantly evaluating them, whether it's unconscious or conscious and going, are they absolutely not material? They are not sure material. Are they booty call material? Or are they husband or wife material?

And that is constantly rolling around in our mind, whether we know it or not as we're dating someone, and guess what, they're doing that to us as well, and they're not doing it to judge us, and that's where people get paranoid of rejection. They're doing it so that they don't get hurt, because they probably need to heal their heart and monitor their mindset and they're probably scared of rejection, and so they're evaluating you in terms of :

Am I going to get hurt? Is this person a matter of trip? Because they want to feel safe? Not because they want you to feel unsafe? And they're really looking intuitively at what you say? How do you say your level of self-love is so obvious given away and how you took a stand eye contact, words you use? They're looking at are they the whole package? Are they the package with the relationship they have with themselves with their family? What about their career? Do they do something they're passionate about? Do they have a hobby and a mission? Are they dressed? Well? Did they smell good?

We're animals of chemistry, you can look at the part on Zoom. But if you shot a real date with bad breath and dirty fingernails, it's really important that and it's not about being in your ego and being what you think they want you to be. It's about being 90% Focused on what you want you to be what would it take for you to date you, what would make you fall madly in love with the most authentic version of you with a sprinkling of this version? Let's polish it.

But it's about authenticity, not about perfection, and if you have an ideal client or an ideal soulmate, so to speak, you want to think through with it. Let's do a bit of market research you and if there's a 10% area where you can be a little bit more of that and it's in alignment with you being authentic in the business.

First, you stretch yourself and do that because you want to appeal to your ideal client. And, and I say client because it's got business parallels, it's a lot like recruitment. It's a lot like doing business in some ways, the business of love. But it's really if you look at who your ideal client is attracted to, and if that person is not new, you need to be willing to get more into vibration with that kind of person and tweak within that 10% Or change what you are going after because you're putting prawns on your hook wanting to catch a dolphin, and instead, you're putting something else on your hook, and you're wondering why you're catching a shark and what you're putting on the hook, maybe the best version of you, according to you, but you need to start catching, wanting to catch dolphins or stop, you know, it's so we've got to line up that whole thing.

And really make sure it comes from a space of self-love, integrity, authenticity, and true space the jigsaw puzzle together and once we've done that, it means you love yourself, you would date yourself and you are dateable to the kind of person that you want to date and that's when you're ready for the soul meeting or the soul matchmaking and that's where it's time to mingle time to match and time to make the one because you've done that self-love component.

Anthony Hartcher 16:12
Wow, that was one hell of response and awesome, so much valuable content and I was in all with all the steps and how methodical it is, but how well thought out each step is and, and the just the synchronicity of the timing of each is really important; and because often, when you've left a relationship, and particularly if you've been the one that's been dumped, and that heart's been sunk, and you're thinking nobody loves me. And, and so you can quickly, find that, that feeling goes straight into rebound effects, you know?

Maranda Claire 16:53
Absolutely, and that's, um, you make good points, there's the jumper or the jumping, you talking the jumper's perspective, and you use the self-talk, nobody loves me, and what that person would typically do would be blame, the breakup, or the dumper for the feelings that they're stealing, or blame themselves for being unlovable.

But what do I help them do is to get really conscious about what the actual problem is the difference that makes the difference, and it's actually that story that I'm unlovable, no one loves me, that is the thing that is making them sad, not the breaker, not the person and it's not their fault from a victim point of view, it is let's just get really, really clear. If you bake your cake with eggs, I'm not much of a baker. So bear with me on the metaphor, eggs, sugar, flour and if you change one ingredient and replace the sugar with salt, you have a completely different cake, and people really go global with their views on relationships and make it about a big character flaw or a big what's wrong with me, I'm not good enough.

It's actually just let's change the sugar, salt or the salt, sugar in that one sentence you are telling yourself in your head, and you have a different story, a different attitude, different energy, and different results. So the story, nobody loves me could become a was an amazing journey in the soulmate book and it really helped me get clear on attributes, I do want attributes I don't want from the person I'm dating and the person I want to be when dating, and if that was the relationship that didn't work out, and there was so much good about it, I can't wait to see the one that actually does work out, and I'm open to 10 more learnings like that and I'm nothing but grateful and have nothing but forgiveness and joy in my heart and I'm so excited to see what's around the corner. And in the meantime, bring on dating myself.

You're never single, you're either dating yourself and someone else or you're just dating yourself as far as I'm concerned.

Anthony Hartcher 18:48
Yeah, I love that Dating Yourself concept because and you've got that first, you know, that's why I heal your heart and get into self dating and that's one that's very applicable. Even if you're in a great relationship, however, your mental health may have been knocked because of COVID-19 and the pandemics cause all sorts of upheaval and uncertainty, and so I'm just thinking some really good you know, stuff, and I know not all for seeing experts, but those people that just want to do it yourself, you know, and get started in terms of yeah.

Maranda Claire 19:23
I'm happy to share my morning ritual, which is all about cultivating self-love self dating and raising your vibration. Now I know it's weird in a bit we're talking about vibration, but if you look at anything including the chair sitting on everything vibrates, everything is energy and so human beings have the ability through emotion and through self talk and through personal development and through decisions they consciously make have the ability to either have a low vibration where you kind of have bad vibes or low days or raise our vibration and bring it to one of gratitude, optimism, forgiveness, and that like attracts like on a vibrational level.

So if you're feeling down You will attract things that are going to reinforce that and have you feel more doubt or as down as you or possibly attract the rescuing pattern that wants to help bring you up, but it's not their job and it becomes toxic. Whereas if you raise your vibration, which is what my morning ritual is designed to do, top up themselves, love tank, raise the vibration, date myself allowed time. So most people talk about the nine to five grind were you doing in the nine to five grind. But I actually build my day in three chunks. I wake up at five and up since five this morning and I call it the five to nine that happens even before the nine to five happens in the five to nine. It's about self love.

The nine to five is all about coping through relationships known as business because business is all relationships and then in the evening, it's about soulmates. So hanging out with my family, my partner, my friends, and so my day is all about soulmates but I acknowledge the most important song like first which is made and how I do that is I wake up at five, put my feet on the ground and I say it's gonna be a good day. Why? Because my feet are above ground. I then get out of bed and I play some affirmations, I'm half asleep haven't had my coffee yet and sorry, I know your world was touched I actually occurred that are not listed on the right.

And I listened to my affirmations, it doesn't matter who you listen to. There's great ones out there, you can record your own on your iPhone. You know, I recommend Esther Hicks Louise Hay, someone nice dreaming. So  it doesn't, you know, not so sleepy that you fall back to sleep, you actually need to get out of bed. That's the first cake. And I'd like to take a you know, healthy kind of granary, caffeine tablet, first thing so I have no excuses based on how I feel.

It's just like three to one Europe non-negotiable. I listened to the affirmations while the caffeine and the good herbs kick in, I go and make myself hot water and lemon and I allow myself to just wake up. I don't think about anything else. I don't check social media. I don't check my emails, I don't allow my self-talk to take over straight in caffeine, warm water and lemon. So for the first 15 minutes of my day, it's all about positivity, good self-talk and healing the body.

I then jump out of bed because you would know this better than anyone, but you know, I used to do kind of my spiritual and mindset practices first and my exercise second, but I've actually switched it around for two reasons. Number one, I'm friggin lazy. So I want to do the hardest stuff first and get it done and number two, when your body is cranking with endorphins, it's a lot easier to be positive and a lot easier to sit still and meditate.

So I take my butt out of the house, I go to the gym, I listen to audiobooks and positive music, and I just really get that blood pumping. And that's a gesture of self-love through movement. Get home I'm exhausted by walk the dog at the end of the gym. So I really by now I've done like 90 minutes of exercise I'm sweating, endorphins are cranking up, listen to audiobooks. I'm at home, and I just want to lie down, guess what, that's the best time to meditate. Because you're going with what your body is wanting. At that point. I lie down and I listened to a really beautiful sound healing and it's the frequency from a sound point of view of self-love. As a vibrational frequency of sounds like spiritual music goes for five minutes, I listened to it.

And it means I have a timed five-minute sound healing slash meditation. And the whole idea is just to think of nothingness. Breathe. Just focus on your breath, if anything, and just allow yourself to be in that blank, empty space and allow yourself love which you've already been working on to be topped up even more vibrationally I then put onto after that focus on gratitude because Gratitude is the best way to fill your heart with love and be thankful and it's also the best way to magnetize more to be thankful for him to your life. So I get my gratitude journal out, and I scribble down around 20 things I'm grateful for that happened in the last 24 hours so that it's specific you that's the key to gratitude.

A lot of people do gratitude. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for my partner and also things are amazing. Specificity is what hits us in the heart the quirkier and the more specific so I give myself that last 24-hour window and I go I'm thankful for when my partner did that particular thing and made me dinner and do the smiley face out of the vegetables on the plate. I am thankful for my dog. When we went on our walk I saw him trotting along in the sun hit him and I saw his little shadow and he's a British Bulldog in a look like a little Porky Pig bouncing, grateful for that.

I'm grateful for that client called Sarah who direct deposited money into my account to rebook because I'd saved her marriage and she got so much value. So the more you get really particular last 24 hours it hits you in the heart. And then after that, I go through a very particular goal setting process about where I want to be in the next quarter in the next six months in the next three quarters of the year and over the next year. as well as where I want to be in the next seven years, so long term short term vision. And I think about the kind of person I will be the things that person needs to do in order to have what I want to have.

So it's about identity building, who am I? Do I need to be committed to I need to be kind do I need to be cheating. And a lot of people don't do that identity work and you never outperform your identity. Do you think you're a lazy person, you'll do lazy shit, you'll get lazy results. If you think I am a high achiever. You want us to feel that identity that's really, really important. Then I make sure that I do the styling and practice what I preach and I look the part and the gift wrapping matches my vibration of self-love.

And by the way, given the line of work I'm in I can express myself love even through doing the glamour to a soulmate look which I've got going right now. Or I can do self-love, By sometimes I show up for my regular clients and I'm in my Lululemon truckies I've got no makeup, I've got my hair in a top knot and I still look self-loving because only someone self-loving would have the authenticity to do that. But it's also the best version of me looking like a dad I'm not rocking up with bags under my eyes and frazzled hair everywhere even though I love myself enough to do that.

I always think that this version and go what is the gift wrapping if I wanted someone to open this book so that I can add value what would draw them to the book and realness you can do in the best version way or you can do it in a dishevelled way and you need to know the difference that there are all different ways you can show up you need to be appropriate for the person and the situation and right now this is appropriate and but if you guys were regular clients and I'm saying you five times I might show up like that to be an example of going to the gym and being the fresh face and being authentic as well.

Anthony Hartcher 26:43
That's my own awesome morning ritual from a health perspective from the soulmate perspective self love you know thoroughly immerse myself in everything you've said and for me you know, I think about all the benefits you can get, you know, beyond attracting that ideal you know, but it's it is all about as you said raising that vibrational energy and really as you said in I think it was one B mindset was you know, like attracts like so that's really you know taking yourself up to that you know vibration state so that you're ready for your go out there and matchmaking day. And so just starting there was a couple of things that you know, love the gratitude and the specific city around the gratitude specific.

Maranda Claire 27:36
I'd like that I would do content mudslides anyway.

Anthony Hartcher 27:42
We always have one other that. Yeah, we're all human and least we're authentic. So and I love how you mentioned authenticity because that's fundamental to life success. So the there was a point you're touching it was a book I just read think like a monk, and he mentioned Jay Jay mentions in his book was that element of you know, everyone's good at creating a to do list, everyone's got a to do list and they create one every day. But what I loved and you touched on a key point of his is that to be less so next to your to-do list is to create that to be list one.

Maranda Claire 28:21
The plan from the add-on there. I love Jay Shea. He's brilliant. So I definitely need to add that to my wish list. I'll send that book a few times on Audible. Audible, we've caught the car talk bug. And I've been drawn to it. So I'll take this as my son from the universe to read it.

But um, I was like going, I've played myself out I've gone on a humorous tangent are the keys to work backward? So they do have they is who do I need to do is what do I need to do in hobbits? What do I need to have too many people go in order of being to have because that's the order we often fail at it. But the secret is to work backward because most people find it easier to know what they want to have.

So in other words, create a vision board, put on your vision board, put a date, but seven years from now is the perfect date. So by 2028 What do you want to have, I've got mine over here.

And you know, you'll have I want to have that car or when I have that house, I want to have that audio and I have that relationship. I want to have that business profile, I want to have that charity. I want to have that impact. What you need to do is start with the have and then think if I was to achieve that in the next 12 months, so put pressure on yourself and make it a bit more urgent than seven years.

What would I need to do like if my life depended on it? Or if a loved one of mine was going to be kidnapped and held for ransom unless I did this? What would be my plan and what would I do? And you're either gonna write down the things you need to do that do know and if you don't know, then you can say find out how to do it from someone who knows how to do it, and that's how you create a bulletproof plan, and then you need think backward from the doing? Who would I need to be to do that? And so you read back over and go the let's just use one example if my dream car is a Ferrari, which it's not. But if my dream car is a Ferrari, what would I need to do in the next 12 months, if I was going to have that in 12 months from now, I would need to do X amount in revenue each week, which means x amount of phone calls, and 90%, close rate and X amount deals, see how specific this gets which equals that amount of money in the bank.

I'd also need to go in the drawer for moto once a week, I'd also need to research Ferrari winning competitions, I might also need to test drive a Ferrari to get into vibration with it. Because the law of attraction states, you got to have a burning desire, clear on what you want. But then you need to act and feel like you've already got it. Now, if you were already someone that was a Ferrari owner, you would be driving a Ferrari. So what's the closest thing you can do to doing that is driving a Ferrari, don't test drive the thing. So these are the things you need to do. Now, who would you need to be in order to close those sales test drives that Ferrari and ultimately have it within 12 months or seven years?

So you would need today is committed, determined? A business person, cheeky, comfortable being uncomfortable and if you stop and get very real about where you are right now, and if your best friend was to be a fly on the wall and describe you in a few adjectives if they're not describing you as those things, that's where you stopped. Because they might say, if I interviewed your best friend, Manuel, how has this person been over the average of a week, they're being lazy, they're being self doubting, the self sabotaging, they're being insecure, they're being a procrastinator. That's not the identity of someone that's gonna hustle like that, you know, take action like that test drive the car, they can't even afford yet.

We've got to have a different level of beingness. So you can do the things you know you need to do and more, in order to have the things you want to happen more and so that's how they all link up and you do it in reverse order. Because otherwise, you would just guess I think I need to be inspirational. That's not it. Inspiration was what the people were looking at, you will say who you need to be is actually a bunch of other stuff. That's probably one to you right now.

Anthony Hartcher 32:24
Awesome. I love that analogy. I'm just thinking I'm in that Ferrari on switching gears at the Vibez are seeking that it you know, that ideal partner is obviously on people's mind at this present point. And, and you mentioned about your morning ritual, which I love because it's that self care that self-love, and that lifts your vibration to increase the attractiveness of who you want in your life, and I love that and then you know, you go to work, which people are probably about to do now. They're or they're at work. And then that last bit of the day, which you mentioned is the soulmate, and I'm really keen to wrap this podcast up on your nightly ritual around the soulmate because I really like that the whole consequently,

Maranda Claire 33:10
Absolutely well, let me actually get my phone out because I'm waiting lists in my notes section. I'll read it straight from the soulmate coaches now so I'm actually it's almost bordering unwell, how much I love lists, but um, I've got a list for my morning ritual, my daytime ritual and my evening ritual. And I've even got a list for what I do on the breaks which is scheduled throughout my day to make sure that I have a litre of water. I have any vitamins I'm due for I eat still loving food, and I stop to say something I'm grateful for energizing my mindset have a micro nap, do whatever it takes to recharge that self-love to keep it buzzing all day. And in the evening, some this the five to nine timeslot, the nine to five, and then it goes five to nine again and then bit by nine.

So first of all, I do the walk and talk, which should something that I shared with you on the last podcast if those of you that haven't listened, I suggest that you flick back. And I either do that walk into by myself if my partner's not around, and I use the walking talk as a chance to move my body because I work from home. And all day on giving and serving my clients.

It's a great chance to kind of decompress, get out in nature, get a few extra bonus calories burned, and walk and talk. So if I'm by myself, I if I'm in the mood to kind of recover a bit. I might build a relationship with myself and that is the soulmate relationship and I might listen to a beautiful audiobook or podcast if I need to or want to. I might use it as soulmate times and catch up on any missed phone calls from friends and family that day. Send a voice memo to the people I have popping into my intuition. I haven't reached out to family, friends, top clients, people in my tribe that I feel drawn to catch up to answer any of the voice memos or texts or calls that I have deprioritized through the day because I've been in sessions or whatever like that,

Any phone calls. So I do that, and I do the walk and talk and I walk my dog and I have that soulmate connection. But it's a nice break out of the office and less structured than in the moment. So during the day, I then decompress, and I look after what I call my Oh, and by the way on the walk and talk, if my soulmate is around, then the phone can go off, it can go away. And we can do our walk and talk and kind of help decompress our days with each other and give each other a bit of a feedback sandwich where we take turns going, what I loved about today was blah, blah, blah. What sucked about today was if you ask this crap, but let it out.

However, what I learned from that, and what I love about today is X, Y, and Zed and then they have, and that's how you decompress your days together. And then you turned to each other and you say, Let's get personal. What I love about you in the last 24 hours is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and what shifts me about you in the last 24 hours is blah, blah, blah, but through the lens of taking responsibility, because it's okay to kind of have a vent about your day.

But you don't want to have a vent about the person to the person in an attacking way, or their nervous system or going to fight or flight. So it's I love and then it's like stuff, I need to get off my chest. But I take personal ownership that they're my triggers that deserve but I kind of know what that's about internally, but I'm just sharing it with you to be real. And what I love is love bla bla bla bla bla bla.

So you do the ship sandwich or the love sandwich about your day and then you do it about your partner in a personal ownership empowered way. They listen with one goal, which is to hear and to empathize, and to validate through listening. There's no interrupting. There's no rebuttal. There's no retaliation. You've nailed your job if you've listened and occasionally made noises like, huh, wow, just to know your lives and you both have a turn of doing that, then I have some study time, and that's just the time I've allocated to do it. So any force like this when you're doing it that time because I'm so busy teaching in the day that it's learning time at night, I then do preparation the following day in terms of food prep, that bags packed, confirming appointments, and I then do relaxation time which is self-loving the form of during my beauty routine having a shower.

Also, my hang out with my 18 year old and we have more family time TV time. You know decompress as a family and I've fully put the king and the queen of the kingdom first and I do believe it should be us first then the problem us first then the kids, us first then everything else, not because the kids aren't a top priority. Of course, they are if they got a broken leg, but just in their day-to-day running or they go to methodology is the King and Queen work. So does the whole kingdom as should be us first do with we're a team and then the kingdom.

And so that's why I do it in the order that I do and achieve the time can find and we can be there as role models for the family by that point, and then it's 9 pm Go to bed listening to affirmations, not true crime, which is my naughty habit if I'm misbehaving. Because I'm guaranteed to have nightmares and screw up the morning routine if I do that, but I try and watch something like the sacred old listen to self-hypnosis or listen to something really dreamy.

That puts me out to a really nice place. And I make sure I set an alarm. That is a very intrusive alarm that is in no way a continuation of my self-hypnosis and I've turned off the snooze button. So I'm guaranteed to get up at five.

Anthony Hartcher 38:36
I love it. I love this, the kingdom that you're looking after the queen and the king and then the rest of the kingdom. It's fantastic because that really is that working in that nonurgent but important and keeping, keeping life in that quadrant is I think, is that Stephen Covey?

Maranda Claire 38:57
Absolutely, because people, it's you know, as parents, and not everyone has a family, not everyone wants one and that's totally cool, but I think sometimes parents feel like they have to give their kids a shirt off their back constantly and that is what being a parent is, but that's just one facet of a parent.

That shows them what selfless love looks like, but it's also our responsibility to show our kids and our partner what self-love looks like and be an example to inspire the change and give permission for other people to do the same and it's also important to show your kids what a healthy, beautiful relationship looks like, whether you're going through the self-love Journey, or you're doing the Self Love Plus soul mate journey and unless you prioritize the relationship, you prioritize self-love, and you give them the shirt off your back and you show them there's a time and place to do all three.

You're only going to teach them how did they that parent that you know gives at the expense of themselves and that gift will keep giving generationally and people will miss out on how to have amazing relationships and how to have self love and those two skills can actually not just be like changing, but life saving. I've heard of so many tragic stories of people committing suicide because relationships, including the relationship with themselves, was so toxic or so foreign or so they didn't know how to navigate it, that the worst of the worst happens. So these skills can actually save the lives of yourself and the people you love if you really master this stuff.

Anthony Hartcher 40:24
Absolutely, and, you know, talking about mastery and being a great role model, and you certainly are that the listeners are probably very intrigued to know how they can connect with you. So please, yeah, please share.

Maranda Claire 40:39
You'd have something a little bit special appeal isn't scheme. It just freezes it a little bit. It was just a brief pause. I'm actually doing a sorry, just checking. You can hear me.

Anthony Hartcher 40:51
Yes. Loud and clear. Yep. Yep.

Maranda Claire 40:55
My brain creativity. So I on the 12th of February, decided to put together an event it is an exclusive soulmates event. The reason I'm calling it an event is that if I call it what it actually is, some people will immediately have their walls come up and go, I'm too scared. That's too scary. But let me unpack the event while you're still listening and you feel safe, is wide open, don't make any decisions. It's a bit of a last minute decision to put this on.

It's been because I work with singles that want to make their soulmate all the time, and I met helpers by nature, I'm a helper and a healer by nature, and I want to do more than just organically matchmaking my clients in a one on one fashion. And I really want to start doing one-to-many matchmaking and put it on steroids. So it really comes from a place of wanting to help and serve.

It is the first one of its time. So there might be three people in it or there might be 300, I have no idea. I'm aiming for an intimate group. It's fine to do only because I really want to make sure the right people with the right intentions are on this. But what it is, picture yourself Friday night before Valentine's Day 12th of February, not long from now, you're finished work the day it's 5 pm. Enjoy your favourite beverage, whether it's a cup of tea or a glass of wine, it'll be an organic red wine to make and you think what am I going to do tonight, you're feeling a little bit uneasy about Valentine's Day coming, your inbox is full of Valentine's Day Marketing.

And you think I need to really like to work on self love and date myself in time for Valentine's or screw it, I'd like to have a date in time for Valentine's or maybe you're part of a couple and you've got no plans on a Friday night and you think I'm in a love relationship, and I've got about five friends that are catches that are single that need matchmaking. If you're any of those people, I want you to tune into this event, I'm just gonna call it an event.

What it is, it's a bit of a hybrid event. So it's gonna be facilitated by me, I'm designing it in a way that is totally un-awkward, totally structured, so all you need to do is show up with your favourite beverage 7 pm, Friday night, Friday before Valentine's on the 12th. And I'm going to facilitate everyone going around the grounds and actually saying to things whether you're single or you're in a relationship, or you're gay, straight, whether you live here New Zealand, London, I don't care who you are or where you are, I'll interview you to make sure you've got the right attitude. That's what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for a particular location or sexuality or anything like that.

What I'm looking for is someone who values self-love and I got a growth mindset, someone really sassy and successful and someone that wants this so much so that there's that general synergy that we're all going to dial in and then we're going to go around the grounds and say, who you are and what you're looking for. That's all we're going to do and I'm going to give you the exact questions so you literally read out your answer.

So don't let public speaking get in the way if you're scared of it well done. You're about to have a breakthrough. This is not just for extroverts, this is for anyone and everyone, you'll put in a secret word. So you're not going to have your real name on Zoom. It's going to be I'm going to have your name your yourself by an adjective. So it's Mr. Happy it's Mrs. playful, it's Mr. Angry, hopefully, I don't have many of them.

And going around the ground in a group format, this is who I am, and this is what I want. And if you're in a couple you might say hey, I'm happily soulmate it on with the love of my life, but what I'm looking for is someone to matchmake my brother with my brother is tall, dark and handsome. Really a gentleman and easy nice. So if you're a single, you might say, Hey, I am a vet, and I am super intuitive and caring and what I'm looking for is a soulmate, I'm really ready to have a baby and not getting any younger, that I have to have that soul connection, and I want someone that really wants to come from that heart space and as sensitive and as loving as nice.

So no matter if you're gay, straight, single personality type coupled or not, you can jump onto this. So it's almost a hybrid of state dating meets networking. Think of something like BNI or a club Business Networking where you're talking about your ideal client and then word of mouth referral is generated. And it's also a collaboration with matchmaking, because I'm a leading matchmaker and coach, and I will be facilitating it adding value around relationships.

And off the back of that I am hoping that a huge amount of introductions can flourish. And I can fulfil my mission, which is to help singles meet their soulmate, and couples to find their spark, and if any of the couples resonate with me and want any tips around how to find that spark, that will be a benefit to the singles because Spark is why we want to relationship right so it's for anyone and everyone that want that soulmate connection.

If you want to meet your soulmate, or you know a possible soulmate you want to drop them in, I will be putting confidentiality discretion and anonymity and safety at the top of the list. I've got ways of doing that and it'll all be done through me as the auditor, the soulmate, auditor and gatekeeper so that there is no funny business or you know, conflicts of interest or safety that arise.

Anthony Hartcher 46:00
Awesome. Yeah. So listeners, if you're keen on the events, and it sounds very exciting, and I'm sure you will be I'll put that in the show notes, how to contact Miranda so you can get in direct contact with Miranda and she will walk you through the process and Miranda I thoroughly again and again, just thank you for all your wisdom. You're just sharing so many great tips and you're just such an expert in this area of soulmate connecting matchmaking relationship enhancing all of the above.

So I'm sure the listeners got so much out of this episode. Please like and share it with others that could also benefit from listening watching this episode. So thanks again, Miranda.

Maranda Claire 46:51
If any questions feel free to get in touch, I'm sure will tag me in wherever this video goes and I'd love to hear from you guys if you're interested in a conversation a quick one or you want to book a session or anything like that and my ears are open my hearts open and no such thing as a silly question. I'd love to hear from some of you.

Anthony Hartcher 47:11
Awesome. Yeah, so reach out connect with Miranda, and she'll certainly be back on the show again.

Maranda Claire 47:19
And it's been a pleasure as always and I'll continue sending you all my clients for self love through nutrition and your absolute expertise when it comes to health and wellness your your the man. Thanks, legends.

Anthony Hartcher 47:30
Thanks Miranda.

Maranda Claire 47:31
Thank you

Transcribed by https://otter.ai