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Turning Rejection into Resilience: Strategies for Personal Growth and Well-Being
What if rejection could be the key to unlocking your personal growth? Could setbacks be the hidden catalysts for a stronger, more confident you?
In this episode, we dive deep into the transformative power of rejection based on insights from counsellor Tanya Cross. Learn how rejection impacts your mind and body and discover practical strategies to turn it into a motivator for growth. Whether facing challenges in relationships, career, or social interactions, we explore how to recalibrate unrealistic expectations and reframe your mindset for resilience and balance.
Discover how physical and energetic activities like running, HIIT, and boxing can supercharge your mood, while journaling and witnessing the sunrise serve as spiritual resets. We’ll also discuss how presence-inducing practices like walking and solitude promote restorative sleep, vital for recovery and growth. Tune in to turn rejection into your most valuable feedback and keep moving forward with confidence.
About me&my health up & Anthony Hartcher
me&my health up seeks to enhance and enlighten the well-being of others. Host Anthony Hartcher is the CEO of me&my wellness which provides holistic health solutions using food as medicine, combined with a holistic, balanced, lifestyle approach. Anthony holds three bachelor's degrees in Complementary Medicine; Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine; and Chemical Engineering.
Podcast Disclaimer
Any information, advice, opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical, health care or other professional advice, and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this Podcast. [Connected Wellness Pty Ltd] operating under the brand of “me&my health up”..click here for more
Welcome back to another exciting and insightful episode of me&my health up. I'm your host, Anthony Hartcher. I'm a clinical nutritionist and lifestyle medicine specialist. The purpose of this podcast is to enhance and enlighten your wellbeing. And today I'm doing that on the topic of rejection and its physical impact. And what you can do about it, the solutions to better managing rejection. So we're going to, well, I'm certainly going to be sharing the insights as to how you take rejection and its impact on your physiology, and then how you can reverse that. Last episode, we had Tanya Cross, the counsellor, who spoke about what you can do around shifting your mindset around rejection, how you can proactively address it, or how you can reactively address it. So I'm going to address rejection from its reactive point of view on the body. And then we're going to talk about what sort of impact it's having if you allow it to happen and transpire, and then what you can do about it to reverse its impact. What you can do from a solution perspective, in a holistic context, we're talking about in the last episode. So Tanya was sharing how rejection can come in many different forms. We can have relationship rejection. We can have career rejection. We can have in any form, in the sense that we want money and we don't get the money. So we apply for a grant or some funding or a scholarship, and we don't get that grant, funding, or scholarship. It can happen in terms of social contexts, where we want to join a group and we get denied, you know, that they're not allowing us into the group. And that happens all through life. So it happens, you know, in family, in relationships. It happens in finances. It happens in business, career. It happens everywhere. In all forms of life, we can experience rejection. And so no doubt you, the listener, can relate to what I'm sharing here, because we've all had instances in our life around rejection. What Tanya also shared around rejection was it's our expectations that really set us up to fail. We have these unrealistic expectations or a weight on a one-sided outcome. For example, like, if you're wanting to propose, you know, for a marriage or you're wanting to ask someone out for a date, you have this all or nothing thinking associated with the outcome, and you have an attachment to the outcome that you want, and it's very much, it's the only outcome, whereas in all reality, both sides can happen. So yes, you could get the outcome you want, but you may not. And so Tanya shared some strategies as to how you can better set yourself up so you ultimately don't experience the side effects of rejection when it doesn't go your way. So Tanya shared about looking at the upsides of the reverse or the opposite of what you want to happen. So if you want the person to say yes to the date, what would be the reverse to that? Or the opposite is that the person says no to you asking them out. What is the upside of them saying no to you asking them out? Well, it frees you up to do other things, doesn't it? You might have an assignment to do. You might have a deadline at work to meet. It also frees you up to other people, to a universe of other people. And so there's so many upsides to being rejected, but we often are blinded to it because we have such a strong attachment to the fantasy that we're only going to get a one-sided outcome. This happens in sport. This happens in relation to going for jobs, going for promotions. We may get an opportunity to go for a promotion within an organisation and we put forward our case. We go through the interviews and we get really attached to getting that role. Whereas what we want to do is better prepare ourselves because the probability is, yeah, it may be more probable that we do get that role, but there's a likelihood that we won't. And so we want to prepare ourselves for both. That way we don't have the physiological impacts of rejection really taking over our physiology if it happens or transpires. So we really want to start looking at what are the benefits of not getting the promotion and start weighing them up so that ultimately you've got to sort of balance, a more balanced perspective. So that's why if it rolls whatever way it rolls, then you're prepared and you can see the benefits of not getting the promotion. So, you know, in terms of, like, a promotion may require you to travel excessively and and really showcase to the organisation that you're capable and that yes, you were the right person to pick. And to do that, you need to work long hours. And so therefore you're going to sacrifice family time and family might be important to you. So a benefit of not getting the promotion would be spending more, you know, spending quality time with family, and also being able to do more exercise and spending more time on your health. Other things that are important to you, you'd be able to invest in as opposed to a lopsided investment in terms of, yes, I want to justify to the organisation that they made the right decision by working extra long hours. So that's the mental side of things that Tanya covered last last episode. So if you missed the last episode, I suggest you go back to the last episode with Tanya cross and she covers that counselling, that psychology view of rejection and what we can do in terms of mental exercises to overcome the feelings of rejection. So if rejection transpires, you get caught out, you reactively haven't applied what Tanya taught us or, you know, the solutions she gave us or the exercises she gave us in the last episodes and you caught out and you're in this reactive situation is, oh no, I've just been rejected. Okay. So what does it do in terms of your body? In essence, we have feelings that we feel down. Okay. So our energy really goes downwards to the ground. We're seeking to ground ourselves. And so ultimately that's what rejection does. It grounds us. It humbles us. It makes us be more real. It makes us be more authentic. And so that's what's happening to our physiology. We really, we're no longer super proud, you know. So that ego gets put in check and our pride gets, you know, put in its place and we get more centred and grounded. So ultimately we are becoming more real, more authentic in this process of being humbled by being rejected. And so as Tanya said, it was simply unrealistic expectations that you had so much weight towards getting that one-sided outcome. And in actual fact, there was a probability that you weren't going to get the job. You weren't going to get the promotion. That girl or boy wasn't going to say yes. They don't always say yes. And so what we want to do is then better manage our physiology, our response. And how can we not only apply Tanya's exercises mentally, what can we do to our physiology to pick us up? So what can happen when we get rejected is that we can start to blame the outside world. We can start to externalise our energy. And so we lose a lot of energy in the process of blaming or getting angry at institutions or people, angry at things or whatever it might be. When we start to expend energy through blame, through, you know, blaming external things out of our control, then essentially our cellular energy is not as strong. We lose our cellular potential. And what we want to do is we want to get that battery back. We want to get that potential back into our body, that electrical potential, because we've just lost a whole lot of electrical energy to the outside world. So we want to gain that back. And so how do we do this holistically? How do we get back our energy? So immediately straight after rejection, apply Tanya's exercises mentally. So it does calm down the nervous system. That's really important that we calm the nervous system. Other ways to calm the nervous system is to get out in nature. So the moment you get the news, try to connect with nature. Try to get outside, take some deep breaths, observe nature. If you can, jump in into a natural body water, such as the ocean, such as a river, because these rivers and oceans have a lot of electrical potential that we can gain and take that into our body and pick up our cellular potential. And that will increase our energy, our energy to then grow again. Because what happens when we're humbled is that our energy is lowered and we we get grounded. So yes, in terms of what can be good around foods is to eat some grounding foods to further support our energy. So these foods, these grounding foods are often associated with anti-inflammatories. And what happens when we get grounded and we're a bit angry or a bit frustrated or a bit irritable or a bit annoyed about the outcome of getting rejected is that we go into this fight or flight situation. We go into our survival mode. And what this can do is create more stress hormones. And so we have a lot of stress going through our nervous system and our body. And so what we can do is calm that nervous system by stepping outside, by getting into nature, by eating anti-inflammatory foods, eating grounding foods. So typically from a traditional point of view, grounding foods are like turmeric. Turmeric is very anti-inflammatory. Ginger, for example, the cinnamon or all these sort of herbs and spices are great from a grounding perspective. And they do, they reduce the inflammation that's caused from the stress that you've created through your mind, which Tanya shared in the previous episode as to how to better balance that perspective on things, on events, on things that have happened to you so that you can, again, calm the nervous system. But from a mental perspective, in terms of a physical perspective, in terms of what we eat, we want to eat grounding foods. We want to eat anti-inflammatory foods because in that instance that we had that stress response invoked through rejection, we produce a lot of oxidative stress. And we want to mop up that oxidative stress through anti-inflammatories. So from the food point of view, you know, the berries, the antioxidants, the antioxidants rich foods, berries, you've got your fruit. Fruit and vegetables are really good with packed with antioxidants. Some omega threes, for example. So omega three is coming from fishes, really helpful. Omega threes, you can get them plant-based, whether it be chia or linseeds and things like that, can be really helpful. Walnuts, for example. So these things can really help counter the oxidative stress response that has been aroused through rejection. Now, connecting with nature calms the nervous system. Connecting with the sun, so we get energy from the sun. So in terms of, I said, we've lost a lot of electrical cellular potential through to the outside world. We can gain that back through going into natural bodies of water, such as the ocean, such as rivers. Also by getting in the sun, by getting into sunshine is really fantastic to gain that cellular potential back. And that will obviously, once we gain that cellular potential back, we're ready to go forward again. If we can keep dwelling on the rejection, what happens, we continue to lose our cellular potential to stress. Stress requires a lot of energy. As you can imagine, getting away from a tiger requires a lot of energy. So if you're constantly focused on the rejection, you're constantly losing energy. And with the loss of energy, you continue to go down. And this can result in depression. But what we want to do is interject. We want to stop you going down and down and down. We want to lift you up. And so this is why talking to others, connecting with others, letting them know how you're feeling based on the rejection you've experienced can be really helpful because outside people can lift you up through comments, through hugs. And yes, we gain energy through hugging. Also, we feel the connection because when we get, you know, when we experience a hug, we produce the neurotransmitter oxytocin,.And that gives us a sense of connection. And connection is really important to us because we feel that we are of value to the world, of value to people. And that's really important in terms of meaning and purpose. And when we have meaning and purpose, we rise up again. So we really want to connect with others in this process. We want to talk to friends, talk to families, and share what, you know, what you're experiencing around rejection. And they can help lift you up. They can give you cuddles. They can give you support. And that will help pick up your cellular potential, your energy, and it'll help downregulate the stress and help you get back into homeostasis. So certainly connecting with others, eating anti-inflammatory foods, grounding foods. Also, what we want to do is, you know, get out in nature, get in the sunshine, boost our cellular potential through being in the sun. So certainly don't shy away from being outdoors. Really helpful. One practise that I thought would be really helpful for you is if you can't get outside, then also have a shower because the shower does calm the nervous system. Water running over our body calms the nervous system. So get in the shower, calm the nervous system that way, and you're washing off the stress. You're washing off the news. You're allowing it to run down the sinkhole, okay. And after the shower, you should start to feel better provided you're working on the mindset in terms of Tanya's techniques that she shared in the previous episode. So make sure you do that because otherwise the dwelling on the rejections constantly going to create physiological stress, oxidation. You lose cellular potential. You lose your energy. You lose your drive forward. And we give up hope because we're so focused and fixated on that rejection and feeling disconnected. We want to reach out, get connected, feel that, you know, this connection that we've value to others. We've a value to, you know, the organisation we work for. So we want to get back that meaning and purpose and and balance our perspective on the rejection. What are the benefits of being rejected? Get that balanced perspective. That way the nervous system will calm itself and you reduce that oxidative stress and allow the cellular potential to remain. And we can energise it again through the sunshine, through swimming in natural body waters, through eating foods that are supportive, that are going to help pick up our energy and really help mop up oxidative stress. We also want to get rid of the oxidative stress through lymphatic drainage. And we do that through activity. So doing exercise could be great. So if you get the news and you're someone that loves exercise, going out for a run or doing a HIIT session or a boxing session is fantastic because not only will it take your mind off the news, it will boost your endorphins. And your endorphins, you feel that sense of invisible, invincible, right? Not invisible, invincible. And you feel powerful and strong. And it sort of gives you that momentum to move forward. But again, you still need to apply the mindset stuff because if you haven't balanced your perception on what's happened around the rejection, then you can get stressed again and start spiralling down. So we certainly want to stop that, that negative thinking around the rejection and dwelling on the downside. What we want to do is start looking at the upside of being rejected. And there's plenty of upside, we just need to look for it. So in terms of picking ourselves up around getting support, around seeking energetic practises, such as being in the sun, boosting our energy, calming the nervous system. The other thing that's restorative is getting up the next morning to the sunrise. And it's the whole spiritual connection to the rising, the new day, the new beginning, okay? So then that enables you to reflect and say, life goes on. There's a new sun every day. And so it's a real spiritual experience getting down the next morning to witness sunrise. And, and that's your new beginning. As that sun rises, so do you. And you you've got new opportunities with the sun rising. So focus on the new opportunities. Obviously, by getting the rejection, you create space for new opportunities. And so, you know, you can sit down and watch the sunrise, you know, whether it be down the beach or at a park or at a nice location, obviously in nature's ideal. And then just think about the new possibilities that have dawned, that will or that have arisen from the uprising of the sun through this rejection. What are the new opportunities? And then you can start listing all those new opportunities. And you can start focussing on pursuing new opportunities that are linked to what's important to you. Because it does. It enables you to focus on other areas that are important to you by getting rejected in that area. But it also opens up doors in the area that you got rejected in. So it's not all doom and gloom. And the moment we allow our brain to expand and focus on more possibilities, more opportunities, we can then start pursuing them. We can start moving forward. And so take that opportunity to see the sunrise and then journal. Journal the activity, you know, the the things that you're going to do to pursue the new opportunities. And this will get your, this will get you back on track or get you back on the highway, your highway, your success highway. And any rejection is just, it's letting you know that that wasn't the pathway, that your pathway is an alternate pathway to the one that you just pursued that you got rejected in. But again, it might, you might still get the inclination or the intuition to say, yes, that's the right pathway, just that was the wrong opportunity or the wrong person. And so it might be still in a different way and pursuing that pathway. But again, it's a new opportunity. And so again, we don't want to take rejection as final, because it can just be a indication or feedback that you didn't approach that opportunity the right way. And or it might be a timing thing, it just might be not the right time. And there's, therefore, that was the feedback to you, not the right time, go back, get your house in order, and then come back. And so there's, there's many ways in which we can counter the rejection. And there's many ways in which we can support our physiological response by supporting our body, our body's energy. The other one I haven't mentioned yet is sleep. Obviously, we want to get a good night's sleep, we want to get a restorative night's sleep to enable us the energy to pursue new opportunities, to pursue new pathways or alternate pathways. In order to do that, we really want to calm ourselves. And so the practises I shared around calming your nervous system are really important in order to get the good night's sleep. So how do you calm the nervous system? Well, that will be dependent on what brings you presence. What do you do that brings you total presence? For some people, it is exercising. For some people, it's going on a walk and talk with someone. For someone else, it's sitting in solitude journaling. So it's what really brings you presence and focus again, you want to do that, because that will calm the nervous system. And that will enable you to calm it enough to get a good night's sleep, so that you can see the sunrise the following morning, and rise with the sun. Okay, rise again, rise again. And a good analogy is children, when they first learn to walk, right, they will get up the first time and fall fairly quickl. But they won't give up. They will think, okay, I need to, you know, do these move in a different rhythm. And I'm going to try it again. And so they get up and they make they do a couple more steps, right? But they still fall again. But then they, they take the feedback. And again, their body's taken the feedback to as to how to counterbalance and get more centred and so that they can continue the walking. And so it's just a process. It really is taking the feedback on board, altering your actions, and taking a newer path forward. And eventually, you'll get to the outcome. So really, it's, you know, it's focusing on the core actions that really take you forward. And so this can be a way in which you can develop a routine that can be the counter to rejection going forward, is, you know, taking Tanya's mindset exercise from the previous episode, applying that, and then applying what I've shared around how to support your physiology, around your energy, so that you can then continue to go forward, maybe in an alternate direction, or slightly altered direction based on the feedback you've got through the rejection. So I just really wanted to share this insight around the physiological impact of rejection on the body, so that you're aware that it's certainly something you want to apply in terms of Tanya's knowledge to stop the physical impacts on the body by not dwelling on the rejection and focussing on the benefits of being rejected. That will really help the response of the body, the body will be less emotional, less distressed, and therefore, there'll be less oxidative distress on the body.
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Anthony Hartcher:Oxidative stress ages us. It accelerates ageing, so we certainly don't want to encourage oxidative stress by dwelling on what has just transpired around rejection. So that's probably what I wanted to share around rejection, its physiological impacts, and how you can holistically tackle it. I'll just summarise that now so that in, just in case you've lost me in my excited way of sharing information. So first of all, if you get caught out in a reactive situation and you had all your eggs in one basket and it's hit you in the face, what you want to do is de-stress. How you de-stress is really up to you in terms of what brings you presence. So again, you want to go to activities that bring you presence. So for some people that can be punching a a bag or sparring in a fighting ring, because obviously you need to be present to be sparring another person, otherwise you're going to get hurt, okay? So, so some people, it can be martial arts, it can be boxing, and or some others, it can just be a walk and talk with a friend, right? It really depends on what brings you presence, what you need in order to restore equilibrium in your body. So it's just calming the nervous system, because when we're rejected, we are distressed. We feel that we've lost something, or we've missed out on something, and something's missing, and therefore we're less of. Our self-worth drops, our self-esteem drops, and what we need to do is pick ourselves up. And there's many ways of doing that. Obviously, calming the nervous system is helpful, getting centred again, applying Tanya's mindset exercise. And then what we want to do is reconnect. We want to reconnect with people, reconnect with people we love. Okay? That will bring more connection, and with more connection brings more energy. We want to reconnect with nature. Nature will energise us, will help lift us up again. And we want to start looking at a new strategy, looking at the the feedback that we've received through rejection. And again, if it's a rejection around a job or a promotion, you can actually ask the people, you know, what was it that I didn't have in terms of skills? What was it that that made that other person more suitable candidate? You know, start finding out these things, start asking questions, and so that next time you're better prepared for the opportunity. And again, it's just feedback. It's just feedback that we know we weren't the best candidate, and how can I be a better candidate next time? And so it's just taking rejection as feedback, nothing more than feedback as to there's something you can improve. There's something that you can grow in. There's a new space that you can grow in. And so it's more the evolution of you rejection. It's you becoming better. Like every relationship rejection, you learn something about yourself. You grow. You grow from rejection. And so we really want to embrace it. We don't want to see it as a downside of life or a negative of life. We actually want to embrace it as feedback. Again, rejection is a bit like failure. We want to embrace it as feedback. It's an opportunity to grow. It's an opportunity to expand and look at new possibilities. And so we want to embrace that. We really want to embrace this growth as opposed to focus and dwelling on the outcome. And then we we can better set ourselves up for next time, like Tanya shared, in terms of being more proactive about seeing both sides. What are the potential outcomes here? Yes, I could get the job. Or yes, I could get the date, for example. But yes, there's, there's a possibility that I won't get the date or I won't get the promotion. I won't get the job. So therefore, what's the upside of that coming true? And then you start to see, okay, it's not so bad after all. So if I get it, great. If I don't, yeah, it's all right. It just opens more doors and I I can pursue another opportunity and something better may come up or I'll be better prepared next time in order to get that opportunity. And so you just want to see it as growth. It's feedback on your life continuum, your life's journey. It's just feedback to you to let you know whether you're on purpose or you're slightly off purpose and need to, you know, navigate your way back onto purpose. And that's how I've seen any setback in life as, you know, maybe it was something I was pursuing that I thought would be good, but wasn't really aligned to who I am. And that's, that was the feedback to me is that, no, you're pursuing a path that's not you. And so get real, get authentic, and get on your path and do it your way. So again, as I said. At the start of the episode that you could have had really unrealistic expectations and of the outcome and saw yourself as the only candidate, the best candidate. And the rejection was to humble you, to get you to be more real, to be to be more authentic, to get you to be you, as opposed to an, you know, a distorted view of yourself. And so it can be those humbling things that really ground us and get us level again. And that's really special, because then people can connect with the true you, as opposed to not knowing who you are. And in that pursuit of something that you thought was all upside or great fantasy. Or you know that wishful thinking is that you lose you and you lose others in the pursuit of chasing something that's not really you, or you've exaggerated yourself in order to get that opportunity, and you've been humbled to say, No, you're not ready for it, you need to do the groundwork, do the hard work. You need to continually work on your craft. And so again, it's just all feedback to really help get you on the right path, to get you being the best version of you, to get you to expand your awareness in terms of, yes, there are many possibilities in terms of outcomes, and it's not black and white and and not get attached to one particular outcome. So again, if we get too attached to the outcome, it might not be what we ultimately want, but we're fixated on having it that way, but we actually might get something similar but slightly different, but it might be better aligned to who we are. And so, again, it's, it's really getting back to focussing on the process, focussing on what's in your control, because often rejection is out of our control, right? There's only so much we can do. So, it's really getting back to the basics, focussing on what you can control and continually to do that well and continually to incrementally improve on that and finesse that, what you, finesse that craft, finesse what you can control. And the outcomes are the outcomes, but again, ultimately you can't control everything. You can't make people give you the job. You can't make people give you the promotion. You can't make people take you on a date Ultimately, you know, there's, there's a decision external to you. So, all you can do is be your best self. And so, again, it's just focussing on what you can control and again, doing that to the best of your ability. So, I hope this episode was insightful, helpful, and is expansive in terms of expanding on what Tanya had to share in the previous episode, and it's providing a different perspective in terms of the impact on your body and physiology and what you can do to better support your body and physiology. Stay tuned for more insightful and exciting episodes of me&my health up. I'm always open to receiving feedback on every episode. So, please put in your feedback. I would love to hear from you. And if you've got any areas of which you want me to get an expert in, like, there's certain areas that you want to know more about, please let me know because I can go about seeking that expert or I can provide that insight that you're looking for. So please, yeah, give me feedback. I'm all about, you know, feedback is the breakfast of champions. And so, I wanna continue to grow this show and expand this show. And I really appreciate you listening week in and week out. So, thank you and continue to health up.
Podcast Disclaimer:This podcast and any information, advice, opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical, healthcare or professional advice and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this podcast. Connected Wellness Pty Ltd operating under the brand "me&my health up" does not make any representations or give any warranties about its accuracy, reliability, completeness or suitability for any particular purpose. This podcast and any information, advice, opinions or statements within it are not to be used as a substitute for professional, medical, psychological, psychiatric or any other mental health care or health care in general. me&my health up recommends you seek the advice of a doctor or qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Inform your doctor of any changes that you make to your lifestyle and discuss these with your doctor. Do not disregard medical advice or delay visiting a medical professional because of something you hear in this podcast. This podcast has been carefully prepared on the basis of current information. Changes in circumstances after publication may affect the accuracy of this information. To the maximum extent permitted by the law, me&my health up disclaims any such representations or warranties to the completeness, accuracy, merchantability or fitness for purpose of this podcast and will not be liable for any expenses, losses, damages incurred, indirect or consequential damages or costs that may be incurred as a result of the information being inaccurate or incomplete in any way and for any reason. No part of this podcast can be reproduced, redistributed, published, copied or duplicated in a form without prior permission of me&my health up.
