me&my health up

A Resilient Mind

December 26, 2022 me&my wellness / Anthony Hartcher Season 1 Episode 136
me&my health up
A Resilient Mind
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Show Notes Transcript

Life is full of challenges! How are you coping with yours? In this episode of me&my health up we explore this topic of resilience and share tips on how to become more resilient. We discuss:

  • how to develop a resilient mindset
  • how challenges help us grow and develop
  • what are the things we can control - perceptions, decisions and actions
  • how to balance your perceptions and see the gratitude and order in what has happened 
  • and how to remain resilient

Links mentioned in this episode:
The value determinants: https://drdemartini.com/

Interested in the 12-month ReSolution Program designed to help you achieve success in 2023? Register now for the Early Bird special (37% discount RRP) before it expires on the 31st December 2022! Register your interest here.

About me&my Health Up & Host

me&my Health Up
seeks to enhance and enlighten the wellbeing of others. Host Anthony Hartcher is the CEO of me&my wellness which provides holistic health solutions using food is medicine, combined with a holistic, balanced, lifestyle approach. Anthony holds three bachelor's degrees in Complementary Medicine; Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine; and Chemical Engineering.

Credits

Podcast editing: Yugorithm Global Services

Podcast Disclaimer
Any information, advice, opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical, health care or other professional advice, and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this Podcast. [Connected Wellness Pty Ltd] operating under the brand of “me&my health up”..click here for more

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Anthony Hartcher:

Welcome back to another insightful episode of me and my health up. I'm your host, Anthony Hartcher. I'm a clinical nutritionist and lifestyle medicines Specialist. Today we're going to be talking about resilience. Yes, resilient mind to how you can have and generate a resilient mind in 2023. And go forth with that mental toughness that we talked about and how to bounce back. So we're going to be sharing some tips, or I'm going to be sharing some tips because I'm your guest today. I'm Anthony. Yes, I'm going to be sharing tips on how to create a resilient mine. So in this episode, we're going to be talking about what is stress, and resilience. So we're going to define the topics. And then we're going to talk about how they service and how to navigate stress, how to create resilience, and how to stay and maintain resilience in terms of mindsets and stay in that, you know, in that zone of you, no matter what comes at you you'll love, you'll certainly absorb it or bounce back. And so that's what we're going to be sharing today. Well, I'm going to be sharing, I've got to get rid of this way. It's either today. So yes, you've got me and looking forward to enhancing and enlightening your well being. So let's get started. So this tip that let's talk about what is stress. So it's essentially when you perceive more challenge than support, it's a survival mechanism to get us going to get us towards our prey or to get us away from a predator. So essentially, when we're out, you know, back in the day, when we were out looking for prey, we would also encounter predators and in the pursuit of prey, we would then perceive that there's more benefits than drawbacks are getting that prey in a sense that it would feed us and nourish us and nourish the family, and then the predator came into the picture, then we want to then use all our resources to get away from that predator. So in that survival mode, essentially, you know, when we're seeking prey and avoiding predator, essentially, we're in that, you know, that challenge and support imbalance, essentially, we have more challenge challenge to get the price so we don't starve and the challenge to get away from the predator. So we live, essentially. And so in that moment, we do we perceive that there's certainly way more upside in terms of getting away from the predator way more upside in terms of getting the pray, and we're driven in that direction to get that, and essentially, that happens in everyday life where we are given a task at work. And we perceive Well, that's a challenging deadline, or how am I going to meet that? Do I have the resources and time to facilitate to meet that deadline? And that starts to create that stress response in your body, and it starts driving you toward meeting that deadline. So yes, stress is, like strictly cancer. Certainly label stress is bad, right? It serves its purpose. And so there is a benefit in having that stress, it really gets us up and going it gets us going towards goals and achieving goals. It is the unmanaged stress, that doesn't serve us well. It's essentially when stress is out of control, like we're constantly running away from that predator forever. We're just running, running, running, running away, running away from life, trying to avoid challenges, we're running away from those people that we don't like and hoping they don't pop up anywhere in our lives. Or were seeking something that we really want, such as we indulging in food, you know, that's our prey, or indulging in another person were infatuated over, we just can't get enough of them. They're constantly occupying our mind and, and our life and, and essentially, that is us driven towards getting more of it. So it can certainly drive those addictions as well. Because we get that dopamine hit when we get that reward if we get it. So. So stress is, in a sense, it serves us in terms of it gets us going and gets us, you know, chasing goals and being ambitious and having that drive and, and that yeah, that really propulsion forward. Right. But it's the unmanaged stress that we don't want. We don't want the distress. So the distress comes about when we perceive there's way more challenge than support, okay, there's an imbalance there and we can't see the end in mind. We can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Essentially, that results in distress. Our body's constantly thinking, well, it just got to keep running away. because he's predators just there all the time. It's constantly with me, it's constantly with me at nighttime. I feel threatened by these targets these deadlines and potentially losing my job if I don't meet these targets or deadlines, so Absolutely, it can service but unmanaged, if it goes unchecked, unmanaged, and you don't get the support, then that challenge will result in distress. And essentially, that distress results in illness. And, you know, all sorts of physical illnesses in terms of not being able to digest food is one of the manifestations of being overly stress, not being able to sleep at night, very emotional, very erratic, in terms of responses, very angry and frustrated and irritable, a typically emotional response when you're under too much stress or duress or distress. Okay, so that's what how it might physically manifest or, yeah, digestive, like, you're not digesting food, you're getting bloating, it just sits there, it's not, you know, going through, you can get constipation, or it can go through through too quickly, you might get diarrhea. So that's, you know, physical symptoms that we're we're not coping, the mental aspect of not coping is we withdraw, essentially, we start to avoid it, we think, Well, I'm not getting anywhere, I'm going to avoid that deadline, or I may deflect the blame and start blaming others and not take responsibility. I might go, you know, just express unusual behavior that is not typically you or not typically me. So then people were given that everyone's different, they're going to express that behavioral change differently. Okay. So essentially, when our expectations of life is far greater than reality, that is also stressful, okay, because the world that we hoped it would be is not the way we hoped that would be. And that, you know, exaggerated expectations are the way the world should be. And the reality is just not showing you what you want to see, then that it can result in distress. So obviously, shifting your expectations can also help reduce the stress. So if your expectations of the way the world ought to be, and it's just not that, then you might, you might need to call a reality check on yourself and ask yourself the questions have you got, you know, I guess, unrealistic expectations upon others or upon yourself, you could be doing this to yourself, you may be putting on realistic expectations on yourself in terms of what you can accomplish in a day. And that results in stress, oh, I'm not good enough. I didn't achieve all my deadlines at the end of the day, that can result in that and then you start beating yourself up in the evening, in terms of negative self talk. So again, a reality check as to, are you setting yourself up for failure by over committing? Do you have over or exaggerated expectations of how others when what they should do, they're going to be them and they're going to behave accordingly to what fulfills them, and you can't expect them to then want to just do everything according to what you want. Okay, so then, those unrealistic expectations upon others can be distressful for you because you essentially want them to behave in a particular way. And they're not they've been themselves, okay. So that can result in distress, okay. So when are we have unrealistic expectations, either of ourselves or others that's distressful. And unrealistic expectations of the world in terms of the way it should be in terms of, you know, sunny weather, and it's raining, or, you know, there's war in some parts of the world or whatever. And, and, you know, it should just be peaceful, everything should be peaceful. Well, that's again, and realistic expectation on the way the world should be. Again, you need to have a reality check. There is peace and conflict throughout the war, and there's a balance of peace and conflict. One goes with the other, it's the same as pain and pleasure, they go together. So if if you accept both sides of life, then it's going to be you're going to find a much more rhythm, much more alignment and much more gratitude because you can only be granted you know, grateful for seeing things as they are How can you be otherwise you'd be forever ungrateful because you'd be always looking for harmony and peace, and you see war, and it's because you're essentially one sided in your you're looking for peace and harmony, and I actually The interviewed Udo Erasmus, and we recently, we spoke about his expertise around fats, but he's he shared one of his stories. And he was he basically left Poland as a refugee, and he was, you know, disbanded, or basically an orphan as a result of that, leaving Poland in World War Two and, and, you know, lost track of mom and his siblings and whatnot. And that then sent him on a quest to look for harmony, because that was extremely unharmonious. When he was growing up, right, he was forced to flee from his country due to war. And the resulted in the breakdown of the family unit, they became separated. And in his quest for harmony, he actually realized that there is harmony, he just was looking too much for it, and was seeing too much of disharmony. Right. So essentially, there is, and it depends on how you want to look at the world and your perception of the world is in terms of what you'll see. So he was looking for harmony and expecting harmony everywhere. And he was focused on seeing war and thinking, Well, why it should be harmonious, it should be peaceful. And therefore, the, you know, the, I guess, the thoughts to him was, you know, that harmony is just not there. But it is, it's all around him all the time. It just that he was too fixated and one sided and what he was looking for. And so you need to embrace two sides. And that is the reality check. So and that will help with the, you know, so when you have unrealistic expectations in terms of you only love one side of one person, I like you like them when they do this, but you don't like them when they do that. That's not loving them for who they are. It's not loving them for the whole being. And therefore how can you provide unconditional love is unconditional, right, but you're putting a condition on your love, you'll only love them if they do this or behave like this. And when they do the opposite, what you don't love them. And therefore you're dishonouring them as a human it loves is unconditional gratitude is actually being grateful for who they are. And regardless of if you like this or dislike that, it's loving the whole and, and that's essentially, if we, again, looking at the world, we need to love the whole, we need to, you know, there's obviously parts of the world that are in harmony and no conflict. And there's other parts that are in conflict. But that is the balance that is the balance of perspective is that there's harmony, and conflict at the same time, it's the same as pain and pleasure. So there's always like, so it's pleasurable for me in pursuit of my dreams, which is to enhance and enlighten the well being of my listeners, however, I do encounter, you know, it could be perceived as pain on the on that journey. It's a lot of work, right? I don't perceive it as pain, but others people may perceive it as pain, I essentially spend at least a minimum of one day a week on this podcast. It doesn't bring any money in for me. I mean, it may in the future, but it certainly doesn't at the moment. So I'm investing investing time investing money into developing this podcast, I enjoy it because I am enhancing enlightening the well being of others, I'm passing on knowledge and expertise, to better your life and to support you. And that helps fulfill me. And so it's, again, there's a bit of pain in terms of the investments and constantly putting money in and not getting any in return. However, because I'm fulfilling what's important to me, it can also be perceived as pleasurable in that pursuit. So again, in that pursuit, I experienced both pleasure and pain, but I, I embrace both of them, because I know it's part of the growing journey. And if I'm if I'm not experiencing pain, I'm not growing. And so this is the same with stress, stress brings in Challenge Challenge helps us grow. That challenge may be perceived by you as pain, that person what they're doing, you might perceive that as painful. However, it is providing some challenge for you and enabling you to grow. And so that's what you essentially how you want to perceive the challenge in your life. Is it an opportunity to grow and to move to the next level, next level of, I guess, conscious awareness. So really elevating your thinking, really going up in terms of your level of consciousness and getting that full consciousness We can only have full consciousness is when we see both sides. If we're one sided, then that's not full consciousness. That's very much as I said before that survival thinking, I just need to get away from that prey. So often I think I need to get away from that predator. So I'll run this way, I need to get that prey. So I run towards, that's just one side of the, you know, I just, I have to go in one direction. To get away from the predator, I'm running the opposite way to get the prey, I'm running with it and hopefully run faster. And essentially, it's very one sided, isn't it, we're just seeking one side, I just want the prey or just want to get away from the predator. As you go up in your elevation of thinking, and we're going to discuss this a whole lot more, essentially, you're starting to get a consciousness of both sides. And that's what I've been sharing thus far, is that the complementary opposites is what you need to embrace, in order to get full consciousness, and full awareness and elevated thinking. And that's where essentially, you'll experience gratitude and love because you see things for what they are, as opposed to the way you want them to be. And you can also love them unconditionally, because you have you placed no conditions around that event, or that person, essentially, you love them for who they are the whole being not half them, the whole of them. And you'll love the event for the whole event, as opposed to just loving one side of that event. So that is for consciousness, that's elevated thinking. And that is where resilience lies. Okay? That is essentially when your autonomic system is perfectly balanced. So when I mentioned before, in terms of that fight or flight response, getting away from the predator, or needing to get that prey, otherwise I'll starve that essentially drives the sympathetic part of the autonomic nervous system response. And then when you get the prey, and you eat it, that switches on the parasympathetic, but it's one or the other, right? When we see events for what they are, as opposed to how they should be, essentially, we see the balance and the order, okay. And in that moment, our nervous system is completely balanced. It's neither one side or the other, it's completely aligned. And that's when we essentially become ageless. Okay? It's incredible. It's essentially where our body can start to heal, because it's in a balanced state, it can start to heal itself. And so this episode, although I'm talking about resilience, it also leads to wellness. Okay. And essentially, any expression of illness is dis letting you know, you're out of balance, you have an imbalance perspective of something, or have many things and you need to do some work in terms of balancing that perspective, to see the whole picture as opposed to one side of the event, or one side of that person. Okay, we want to see the whole, then we can love the whole, we can be grateful for the whole, we have complete balance, nervous system. And that's when we achieve wellness, and we're in a state of wellness. And it's we're not aging, essentially How brilliant is that? We age when we have imbalanced perspectives, and our autonomic nervous system is shifted to one side, okay, it's designed to swing to both sides, and swing in a balanced way. It's not designed to be shifted one side. So if you're constantly in in challenge and don't perceive the support, and you're constantly in distress, your sympathetic nervous system switched on and that's one sided, right? And that will result in illness in disease, symptomatic profiles physically expressing themselves. And essentially, it's just letting you know that you have an imbalanced perspective. Okay, and we need to shift that sympathetic nervous system back into balance. So it's essentially like your body can then heal itself. So and that is the state of your stress is when we're in complete, complete alignment. Okay, we're living a life aligned to our values. We see the world as it is as opposed to as it should be. We can love one another for who they are as opposed to just loving one side of them. And that results in new stress and that is the the stress that will result in will her wellness. So you stress will is wellness generating distress, is illness. generating, okay, so if you want, I'm sure you don't want, surely you don't have any desire for distress. And essentially, you want that state of use stress, which is wellness promoting, as opposed to illness promoting, which is distress. And that's what this episodes about is to help you see a balanced perspective to get your autonomic system aligned and balanced, and so that it can swing accordingly to when it needs to. And that's when you achieve high rate, heart rate variability. So you might heard of HRV, heart rate variability, essentially, we want that to be high. And that's essentially, it is our body in the most adaptive state, to whatever's coming external stressor, and so that his resilience is an adaptive state to the environment, to what comes our way we're able to adapt quickly, okay, to it, and your best. And the best state of mind to be to be adaptive, is that balanced mindset, that balanced perspective. And essentially, you're then able to adapt to all sorts of situations, because you can see the whole as opposed to just seeing it for one side. Okay, so I hope that helps. So essentially, in terms of defining stress, there's two forms of stresses, there's distress, and that's when our we have unrealistic realistic expectations of others, or unrealistic expectations of ourselves, or an unrealistic expectation of the world versus the reality, okay, the greater that gap in between unrealistic expectations, and reality is the greater distress, that's when our body's going to be really under a lot of stress. And it's going to be one sided, stressed, it's going to be extremely sympathetic, in terms of fight, flight, or freeze, or you may just give up on the world, and it'll be extremely parasympathetic, which is rest and digest. And both of them at at their extremes and not balancing results in illness. So distress is illness promoting. And that's as a result of extreme extremity, extremity perceptions, or all or nothing thinking, thinking the world should be one this way. And it's, you know, and you realize it's neither. And that is illness promoting, and the ultimate form of degeneration in terms of illness is cancer. And so, the longer the all or nothing, or the one side or perspective resides in your life, the higher the chances of getting an illness like cancer, it's regression of cells, essentially back to the primitive, primitive format of the cell, okay? You stress is when we are completely, we have a balanced perception, we have, we see things for the whole for the way they are, as opposed to wanting them to be something else we see people for as they are and we love them, for whom the whole them, not the one side of them. That is when we have complete gratitude for the people in our lives. We have love. We have complete unconditional love not conditioned based on someone behaving in a certain way. Or you know, you could have that condition on yourself or you only love half yourself, you love this about you, but you don't like this about you. And therefore, that's having conditional love on yourself. And that results in that essentially, you know, putting self depreciating thoughts depreciate, you know, so not valuing you, and not valuing the whole you, you're essentially depreciating you and having negative thoughts and that whole process which will result again in distress and illness. So, you stress will result as having a balanced perspective will result when you perceive support and challenge being equal. And that will enable you to grow and thrive, okay, you'll grow and thrive and become a better version of view. As you obviously shift your perceptions and you can love people for who they are. You can see grace in what's happened. And you can express more gratitude as you express more gratitude. You'll be grateful for more things you have more things to be grateful for because you appreciate things for as they are you appreciate people for who they are, as opposed to one sided. So I hope that really clears up as to what distress and what's your stress Okay, two forms of stress Your pursuit is for you stress, okay? And you want to move away from distress. And this podcast is to help you to do that it's going to enable that progression that elevated thinking. So what is resilience? Again, I touched on this a bit earlier, it is the ability to adapt to a changing environment I mentioned, having high heart rate variability, that means you're in a resilient state, you can adapt to whatever comes at you, if you have low heart rate variability, then that's when you're in that fight or flight that you know that one sided perspective of the world, you're running away from the tiger or you're chasing the prey, whatever that prays for you, that the shoot is just one sided, okay? And, and as a result, you have a nervous system that's operating in the extreme side and not in a balanced way or not being able to swing clearly between the two sides, because you just want that pray, and you just want it so bad. Or you just want to get away from that enemy or the person you disliked so, so much, and you just want them out of your world, that one side of thinking results in the distress results in a lower heart rate variability results in lower ability to be resilient and adaptive to changing circumstances. So if you're already distressed, and some more stress some a different form of stress comes into your life, then essentially, you're unable to cope with additional stress because your body is already in a state where it's struggling to cope with the existing form of stress. Okay? So it's really important that you work towards being having a resilient mindset. And that resilient mindset is, again, seeing life as it is, as opposed to the way an unrealistic expectation of the way it should be, you know, that you impose on the world, seeing it for as it is seeing people for who they are and loving them for the hole that is wellness promoting, that is a state of use stress, and essentially a higher heart rate variability, better adaptive to stressors, additional stresses that come into your life. Okay, so I hope that paints the picture, well of you know, the types of stresses and resilience, how to be adaptive, and essentially, the best adaptive state is where in that heightened level of thinking, which we're going to get into a bit more detail shortly, it's order to thinking it's elevated thinking it's that survival thinking, which I mentioned before, which was that seeking prey trying to get away from Predator, that mentality, right, that is order one thinking, okay, and essentially, this episode is to help lift you out of Otter one thinking, if you're in that fight or flight and you're coping with today's stress, or you have a one sided perspective of the world, or one sided perspective of your partner, or a loved one, or your mom or dad, brother or sister, whoever sibling, then this is essentially going to be a starting enabler to help you see both sides and love both sides of the person or the event. Okay, so this is let's get into it. This is exciting. I'm even getting excited talking about isn't that awesome? So, essentially, as I mentioned before, just want to reiterate stress isn't it shouldn't be labeled as bad. It's depending, okay? It really depends, okay? So it can result in distress, when we perceive more challenging than support, okay? Or we have unrealistic expectations versus reality, the larger that gap can result in distress, okay. And then there's youth stress, okay. And youth stress is, obviously seeing things for the whole, and loving the whole, being grateful for the way things are, that is alignment to us stress, and that's where we perceive challenge and support to be equal. And that enables us to grow and thrive. Okay. So stress is, is neither good or bad, right? It depends. It depends on your level of thinking, really. So let's get on to what you can do about it. So I wanted to share a quote before we talk about the next phase in terms of elevating your thinking. So this is a quote from Walt Disney. And it is the way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing so I want you to begin doing following this episode. And Stop talking about how stressed you are, or how disappointed you are with others or so it's, it's the time to let go of that to start implementing what you learn on me and my health, and to make a difference in the world. Okay. So in terms of the way we perceive things, is one of the way one of the things that we can actually control in our life, okay, there's only three things that we can control is our perceptions, our decisions and our actions. Everything else just comes at us either from other people or from the environment when we need to be adaptive and responsive. And as I said, you want to be in a good adaptive responsive way. So that you can make the most of whatever situation comes towards you, okay, so you can be like, you may have a life threatening situation come towards you, you want to be extremely adaptive in that situation, and is extremely quick to react and be able to react optimally to give the best chance of survival. Okay, when you're in a state of distress, you'll have a slower response time, and your body won't be in a state to optimize your escape. Okay, so there's only three things that we can control. It's your perceptions, your decisions, and your actions. Okay, so let's start with our perceptions. Okay, so now, you've may have heard of this, or may not have heard of this, but you've probably seen it in inaction you've probably experienced in in your own life, and essentially, you and someone else may see the same event, and walk away with a totally different perception, right. So we see the world through our own filters through our own lenses, and our lenses are created. As we go through life, we create different lenses, based on our experiences. Okay, so we'll see events, based on our prior experience with that event, or similar similar experience with a similar event or something like that. That's how we'll typically respond is how we responded back when it happened earlier, or there could be triggers. So there could be an event that you had in your life that was extremely or perceived extremely distressful at the time. But there's certain tastes or smells or sounds that go with that event that is then triggered when you're walking around. And so you get these triggers of that events that sends you in that frightened state, or that scared state that you're in when you're a lot younger, or many years ago. So essentially, all these events that come into our life, we have, we form a perception. And that's based on our prior experiences, okay, and those perceptions will be heightened when we perceive them as one sided, okay, so if we had a one sided perception that that was all bad, and there was no good, then that is a strong emotion attached to that event, and therefore be easily triggered. So essentially, when we experience something, and it's got a strong emotion attached to it, that memory is stored in the hippocampus. And then when we filter through our senses, as we go on in life, certain elements or sensors will pick up on similarities. And then and you're all the sudden feel a bit uneasy or bit nervous, or you just get a bit anxious. And you think, why, why, why, you know, it's sort of nothing but you're subconsciously, you've through your senses, you've picked up on a sound or smell or a taste, or seen someone that's reminded you of someone in the past, and they obviously did something you perceive was extremely negative. Hence, that triggered a order one response, which is that fight or flight or freeze response, okay? So you get that anxiousness, you get those butterflies in your tummy, you feel, Oh, I can't digest that it's not sitting well, I feel sick. And you just you've got these adrenaline running through, you get a bit sweaty, you get very much anxious in terms of your thinking and you're stuck in you just reminds running away from you, essentially, you've been triggered, okay, based on that past experience. And that was formed through a perception. So the work that I do with my clients helps resolve these past issues, okay, so that they're no longer triggered when they're going forward in life. It's not triggering a past event. Essentially, the work that I do with my clients through the Demartini method, essentially enables them to see the hidden order in what happened because they perceived a imbalanced perspective or one side of perspective. What I do through questioning, it's just through simple questioning. And holding them accountable is essentially I enable them to get full consciousness of the event and to see the other side. And therefore, they can have a balanced perspective of the event, and, and have gratitude and love for the events. Okay, so it's a fantastic tool works really well. And this is a bit of an infomercial, I'm actually running a program next year, which you can be part of, which essentially teaches you the methodology on how to do this. And you can work through past issues, so that you're no longer held back going forward. And so essentially, the program I'm running next year, will propel you towards what you want. And to get more of what you want, in terms of your aspirations, your goals, you're in and live out your inspiration out without your limiting beliefs or the past holding you back. And so I'm running this program next year, which is called the resolution solution. And it's essentially enabling you to achieve success from 2023. And beyond, with being empowered with this technique in terms of how to balance your perspective of things that come your way. And you can have this heightened level of consciousness, whatever comes to you in the future. And so then you don't develop these strong emotion associations with events, because you just see to what you saw, you only saw one side of that event, and then that holds you back, essentially. And it creates that distress and illness in the body. And so you will generate health symptoms as a result of that. So if you want more wellness, and you want to be able to go forward and not be held back from the past, then this course the resolution solution, the resolution is the perfect course for you. I'm running at it next year, we start our first workshop in February. So please join me but that's the end of the infomercial. Now we'll get back into the contents. Okay. So essentially, I just mentioned the perceptions and how our perception of the past can certainly be triggered in the future. And so when you perceive something, and this is the tip I'm going to share today, whenever you get an emotion feeling, then you want to think what's triggered that, okay, so something's triggered that emotion and maybe a way in which someone said something to you, okay? And you perceive it as negative, or you or you dislike that person for that action, right, you're only seeing one side of that person. So in that moment, I want you to then think about what when you actually did that to someone else, okay. So I want you to have that reflective awareness and own what you're disliking that other person doing to you own it in yourself, because that will not only help you love both sides of the other person, it will help you love both sides of yourself. What you project in terms of what you see, it's called reflective awareness is essentially what you are disowning in yourself, you're projecting on to someone else, so you own it in yourself, it will no longer be a trigger. In the future when that behavior is, is, is done to you, essentially, you think well I do that just as much as I do. Okay, we both own it, we both love it, we're, we're human, okay. And we can love each other for who we are. So, whenever something irritates you, or frustrates you from another person, I want you to have that reflective awareness and say, when have I done exactly that. And for example, like when a car cuts in front of you, you want to then reflect on the time that you cut in front of another car, okay? And an owners own that trait that you're disowning or own that behavior that you're disliking about yourself, that you then have that reflective awareness from someone else onto you and think, you know, you don't like this about you or why did you do this to me and get angry at it, when you can actually just sort of laughing and think, oh, yeah, I do that too. And that and then it doesn't result in an emotional distress. Otherwise you get anger and anger brings on essentially our stress response. Okay. And then that stress response brings on illness as I said it results in distress and brings on illness and accelerates aging. I'm sure you don't want that accelerated aging. So essentially, having this balanced perspective and this self awareness, self reflection will enable you to elevate your thinking to that order to thinking which is thrival Okay. thrival okay, I'm still digesting lunch. I'm sorry. I'm talking a life and I'm probably not breathing the amount via that I need to in order to perform so anyway, bear with me, but essentially order to thinking is that thrival state of thinking, okay, and that and that's essentially when you ask that question of yourself, when have I done what that person's just done to me and own it in yourself equally to how much you perceive them doing it, then it's neutral, there's no emotional charge, it results in you stress, completely balanced, autonomics and more resilience. Okay, I'm thinking you can sort of get the picture. So essentially, the technique that I'm sharing with you today, which I'll be sharing in a much more detail during the resolution solution program next year, beginning in February, and the earlybird offer is still available 37% off the program next year, is that essentially, you just asked better questions, okay, you're asking these questions of yourself. And you're getting a higher level of awareness through asking the questions, because the questions are bringing out the other side that you're unconscious of, okay? And it's bringing it to your consciousness so that you have full consciousness of the situation, full consciousness of the person, and full consciousness of who they are, as opposed to just seeing one side of them, and loving one side and then wanting the other side to go away. And that other side is causing you distress. Well, that's just aging you as a result of not, you're not owning it in yourself. And so, yes, we all do these things, okay, we, we're human, we're all human. And we, we have both sides of us where we are nice, and we're mean, where we experience pleasure, and we experience pain, okay, when we're angry, you know, there'll be times where you're angry, but there'll be times when you're chilled and relaxed. And, and so essentially, we need to own both sides of us and love the whole loss. And then we have a better love of others. Because we're loving ourselves, we're owning the full loss as opposed to one sided us, and we're not projecting it onto others, okay, so that self awareness, that's that self reflection awareness is really helpful. Okay, so that's essentially anything that frustrates you about someone else I want you to look at when you've done it, and own it in yourself and keep looking at it to you until it's equivalent to them doing it to you, and there's no emotion associated with whatever event or whatever action they did to you, okay, it's completely neutral. And you feel that sense of emotional shift. And it's a tear of gratitude that you should feel within that expressed visually through tears. But it's a tear of gratitude. Because you can see, you're, essentially you're loving another part of you that you design prior, and you're loving another part of them, that you would just disliking or despising or resenting about that other person. So, again, you'll increase the love and connection between you and other, and increase the love and connection with you. Okay, so it's fantastic, it's awesome. And then the second thing we control is our decision. So obviously, if we elevate our thinking in that moment, right, rather than having a one sided perspective, is that our wider people always cut me off in traffic and all this and you know, it's a danger to me and all this sort of stuff, and, and sort of projecting what you do onto others, and not owning it within yourself, essentially, that results in anger, and frustration. Okay. And as I said, that anger and frustration, will, then you will do something that is typically something that you'd probably regret afterwards for doing, you may get out of your car, you may go out and thump the windscreen or you may end up in a fight. Or you may then take your anger out on someone else, their loved one in the car, because you're taking your frustration out on them. And so that's the decision you have made as a result of that perception of that person is bad because they cut me off. Or essentially, I don't like what I'm seeing. It's that that is bad. They shouldn't do that. Or, yeah, so when you're seeing that one side of perspective, resulting in an emotional response, then that emotional response will drive the decision, and without much thought, and so, essentially, you'll be acting without thinking and that acting without thinking is an emotional response. And that emotional response is often something you think, Oh, why did I do that to my son? You know, like I was angry, but my son didn't deserve me to yell at him or her. Just because this driver cut me off. I think you get where I'm coming from and you can probably relate to what I'm Talking about in your own life where you've taken out some frustration on someone else, okay? Because you've got a one sided perspective of someone or some event, and then that frustrated you. And then you took that frustration out on a loved one that thinking, Well, why did I take it out on them? And again, you're thinking, Oh, and then you start self depreciating yourself thinking I, you're, you're always mean, well, yes, but you're also you're also nice as well, then you need to love both sides of you, you need to love the side that we know when you mean and, and love, you've, when you're nice, nice the mean go together. It's loving the whole, okay, it's been grateful for the whole. And so when you're in that elevated thinking, that order to thinking that thrival thinking, essentially, you'll be thinking before making a decision to act emotionally, right? So you can see how now, our perceptions affect our decisions which affect our actions. So, and therefore we can intercepts this in terms of, you know, having them the most thought out and the, you know, the most thoughtful response, most thoughtful action by changing our perceptions before we have that emotional reaction, okay, so we can interject or interrupt by asking that question of ourselves, when have I done what this person is doing to me, and owning it within ourselves? The other thing that can also help, in terms of question you ask yourself, is how what they're doing to me is serving me in terms of what I value? So is that person cutting you off? Or making you more aware that of the dangers of driving and you're no longer oblivious, or no longer taking for granted? Driving? You then think, yes, this is a serious matter, I need to be very alert. And so therefore, it makes you a more conscious driver, a better driver as a result of seeing irresponsible actions from others that you also do, I'm sure you've done at some point in your life, or something similar to someone else. And so that, you know, again, you've perceived that person, essentially violating your safety or your margin of safety, then then you want to have a house that benefited me, well, it's made me more safety conscious. So therefore, when I drive, I'm going to allow bigger gaps, okay, so it's no longer an issue, if they cut in front of me, because I've got such a gap, I can actually break and respond accordingly. So then what, how has that served you and your highest value, which is your family safety? Well, it's made me more conscious driver, I'm now going to allow a larger gap between me and the vehicle in front of me, okay, so if someone cuts in front of me, it's, I can respond and break accordingly. So it's going to bring more consciousness awareness to your driving, then you're thinking, Okay, I want to be more safe when I'm driving, because I want to make sure my family is safe with me whilst I'm driving. Because this is a very, you know, you are you're very exposed, when you're driving, you're driving at high speeds. And the accidents when you have an accident, quite serious, because the velocities involved. So then you might then think, well, therefore, I'm not going to respond to messages when I'm driving because I want full consciousness I want full, then I want to have the optimal safety of my family. So therefore, that's another benefit of that person cutting me off is now I'm going to then be conscious that I'm going to focus on my driver and not be distracted by devices that are, you know, when messages are coming through, okay, so then if you start looking at the benefits of that driver doing, the action they did, and how it served you and your highest value, which is protecting your family, and the safety of your family, then it starts to reduce the emotion and then you'll feel calm again. So in that moment, so rather than get frustrated, ask yourself the question. Again, the first question I mentioned to you is, when have you done what they just done to you, it can be exactly the same or similar, it may not have actually cut a driver off or you may be too proud to admit that you've cut a driver off, but a similar action that's resulted in the consequence that you're concerned about, which is the safety or your of your family. So it may have been where someone else did an action towards you where you felt it violated the protection or the safety of your family, whatever that may be. And when have you done a similar act, okay. So, assets, ask that question of yourself and it will elevate your thinking. It will calm your emotional response so you'll calm your nervous system, it will get balanced again. And you'll feel and you'll have gratitude for what that person did, because it's now made you a more conscious driver. And more aware, and you're not taking for granted. The, you know, when you're driving, you have more conscious awareness you and you're accepting more responsibility. So to increase your awareness, so you're thinking, well, thank you driver, that is really maybe more safety conscious when I'm driving, and I'm going to drive with a higher level of safety consciousness, such as I'm not going to look at messages, I'm not going to be distracted, when I'm driving, I'm going to focus on driving and be a better driver, I'm going to allow a larger gap between me and the driver in front of me. Okay, so that's essentially seeing gratitude for what's just happened, as opposed to labeling that person, as an idiot, or, as an irresponsible driver, you're not labeling that person, or you're not labeling, the fact that they've cut in front of you is, that's, you know, extremely dangerous to me, you've, you've actually then seen what's happened. And now, as a result of that, taken a higher level of consciousness and got full awareness of it. And seeing how it's going to serve you going forward in your life is going to make you a more consciously safety conscious driver, essentially. Okay, so now you can see how we can shift our perceptions, which enables us to make a higher level of thinking and our so more balance, decision making so more strategic in our decision making we have, we can weigh out the pros and cons when we have a balanced perspective, and essentially make a better decision going forward in terms of the actions that we then play out. So then we don't yell at our kids and take them out, you know, take out the frustration on our children in the backseat, because someone's cut us off, or we don't take it out on the person who's cut us off. Essentially, that's just creating distress in you creates the illness, ages you and doesn't really add any value other than you get frustrated. And then you start thinking about that all the way home and then you take that frustration home and into your evening. And then you may medicate in order, you know, such as drinking alcohol in order to calm your nervous system, and then it just transpires and compounds into something more distressful. Whereas, if we, in that moment, ask the question of ourselves, how is what what they've just done to me serving me in what's important to me in my life? If you can answer that question, answer it and answer it until you can then say thank you for doing that driver, or thank you for cutting me off. Do it and you know, answer that question that many times until you can see the gratitude and what's just happen, then you'll calm your nervous system, you won't be angry, and you won't be angry when you get home. And you won't need copious amounts of alcohol to calm down, you'll be able to have a relaxing evening, and have a good night's sleep. Okay, so I think you can see the three things we can control is our perceptions, which then translate into decisions. So if we balance our perceptions, we have more thoughtful decisions, which result in more thoughtful actions. Okay, so I hope that's been of service to you. I've hope that's really helped you in terms of seeing things as they are and seeing a balanced perspective as opposed to a one sided perspective. And that's the best way to get resilience in your body is and have a high heart rate variability, and be more responsive, and more adaptive to change is essentially balancing our perceptions and art in order to balance our perceptions, ask questions, the better the questions we asked, the better the quality of life. So two questions I shared with you today is when have I done what I dislike that other person doing to me in my life? Okay, so you asked that and when, when have you done it? When have you done it? When have you done it? Where were you? What did you do who you're with? So really go to the moment when you actually did it? And then actually own it? And then say, Yes, I yeah, I do that. And then keep keep listing it until you balance that charge that emotional charge, until you actually can say I do it as much as that person does it to me, and then you can be grateful for that person being in your life because you love them unconditionally. You love both sides of them. You love both sides of yourself. And it's the same as that action that's been done towards you that you dislike, despise or resent. Essentially, how is that serving you and what's important to you in your life? Okay, and then keep listing How is that benefiting you? How's that serving you? And keep listing them out until you think ah, I can see the the hidden order in what's happened and why and why that event came into my life, I can see the complete order. And I have full consciousness of that event, I see both sides of it. And I'm grateful for that event. Okay, that's essentially when you have balanced your perceptions. And having that balanced perception gives you more resilience, you'll be in that state of use stress, and be more adaptive to the stressors in life. So I hope that's helped you. If you want additional help, please join the Resolution Solution Program that starting next year, as I said, the early bird offer is still available. So jump on the earlybird. Before the 31st of December, it expires on the 31st of December. It's a 37% discount off the year long program. And you will learn these techniques and master these techniques throughout the year. So that you can essentially have more, use stress and be more adaptive and be more resilient in 2023. And if you found this episode of interest, intriguing and benefit to you, please share it with other people that you think could benefit from listening to this episode. Please spread the word as you as you know, I'm all about enhancing and enlightening the well being of others. Thank you for listening