me&my health up

Breaking Through Addictive Behaviours

January 10, 2023 me&my wellness / Anthony Hartcher Season 1 Episode 139
me&my health up
Breaking Through Addictive Behaviours
me&my health up +
Help us continue making great content for listeners everywhere.
Starting at $3/month
Support
Show Notes Transcript

Do you have an addictive behaviour? Would you like to break it?

By knowing and living by your core values which manifests your priorities, you can break the bad habits of addictive behaviours and reconnect with good health. In this new episode πŸŽ™ of me&my health up, Anthony Hartcher the host discusses how you can overcome your addictive behaviours and live more authentically.  Anthony shares strategies on how to break through the addictive habits and shares the benefits of overcoming them.

Links mentioned in the episode:

Join the me&my health up club:
me&my wellness is creating holistic health content | Patreon

Values determinant:
drdemartini.com

About me&my Health Up & Host

me&my Health Up
seeks to enhance and enlighten the wellbeing of others. Host Anthony Hartcher is the CEO of me&my wellness which provides holistic health solutions using food is medicine, combined with a holistic, balanced, lifestyle approach. Anthony holds three bachelor's degrees in Complementary Medicine; Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine; and Chemical Engineering.

Credits

Podcast editing: Yugorithm Global Services

Podcast Disclaimer
Any information, advice, opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical, health care or other professional advice, and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this Podcast. [Connected Wellness Pty Ltd] operating under the brand of β€œme&my health up”..click here for more

Support the show
Anthony Hartcher:

Welcome back to another insightful episode of me and my health up. I'm your host, Anthony Hartcher. I'm a clinical nutritionist and lifestyle medicine specialist. And happy new year. So this is the second episode that's dropped in the new year, I'm going to be greeting you and sharing my knowledge and insights in terms of what I learned in 2022. And in particularly, in an area of how you can let go of your addictive behaviors and break through and become a new you. A New year, new you. So a without much further a do, let me talk about how I've come across this information to begin with. So more recently, in the last year was probably halfway through last year, I had Dr. John Demartini, on the me and my health up podcast, and he shared his insights and knowledge about the areas of his expertise, which is human behavior, and many more. So I had the delight to being able to interview him, and also learn about his work. And through that I've become very intrigued. And I thought, wow, this is great in terms of bringing all my knowledge and being able to collate it all, and then be able to articulate it in a way that makes total sense. And so I have an interest in physics and maths and chemistry, and science and biology. And all these areas were well summarized by Dr. John Demartini. And I thought, wow, he's done an incredible, incredible work over his 50 years of his career in terms of bringing this knowledge together, and he summarized it so well. So what I'm sharing with you today is extracts from his work and what I've learned. And as you are aware, I'm someone that if I learn something, I really want to teach it in order to become better at it. So this is part of my teaching. And for those who have never listened to an episode, the purpose is this podcast is to enhance and enlighten your well being. And this is going to do just that for you, particularly in the new year, when you've said about looking at I'm going to make these changes. And you're thinking, well, these changes have been around for quite some time. And I'm not quite sure I've tried all these different ways to break these bad habits or not so resourceful habits that aren't taking you towards your mission in terms of where you want to be around your health or your relationships or your career or your finances. Well, this might be the strategy that works for you. But just like with everything else, some strategies really resonate with you and others don't. So I'm going to share this strategy. But again, it might not be the right strategy for you. So it's just listen to it, see if it resonates with you, if it does, give it a go, no harm in trying. And what I've learned through my experience with health is that I've tried different things. And I've some things have worked really well others haven't. In some areas, I've had to find schoon it as to what works for me, and it's constant refinement. So it's that constant, never ending improvements, those incremental one percenters that you're looking to build on each day, and every day around health relationships, your finances, your vocation. So these are all areas that you want to improve on. And this is a strategy to break something that may be holding you back. It might be just bad habit, or that addiction that you can't break. So yes, today's episode is breaking through those addictive behaviors. And we're going to start with the definition of addictive behaviors. But before we get into that definition, I'm really keen if you're not driving, or if you're not walking, and you're at a desk and listening, get out a bit of paper and take some notes, because this is really workshopping, I really want you to apply this. And if you're walking or if you're driving your car, really listened to it when you've got a chance. And by the, I guess, the activities to your addictive behavior. And that will really help serve you because in essence, this is all about you doing the work, I'm going to share a strategy, but you need to do the work. And so if you are walking or you're driving, start thinking about it whilst you're listening to this episode. And then when you get an opportunity to be stationary and get a pen and paper out, get into the activities and you can just go to the relevant parts of the recording and just start doing the activities and yes, the activities work. So and again, it depends on the individual and depends on what resonates for years. Let's in terms of what you're going to get out of the episode. It's certainly going to be what addictions are. How they service, obviously, we wouldn't be doing them if they weren't of service, they'd become extinct when they are of this service, we're going to be talking about which you could probably already relate to that. But we're going to have a little chat about that. And then learn strategies to stay centered, composed and in control. And this will help you stay not only well on top of basically disassociating from that old addictive behavior, but staying in that prefrontal cortex, that executive center of the brain and learning strategies on how to keep getting more keep elevating your thinking, as opposed to going down into that animal center of the brain, which began to chat a bit little bit more about, I'll give you a bit more context around that. And obviously, with everything I do, I bundle it in a holistic way, because health and wellness needs to be done in a holistic way. Ultimate Health success will be achieved when you're doing bits in each, each of the key facets of health and well being we will be covering them towards the end of the episode. So let's get into what I mentioned earlier, what are addictions? Well, according to Oxford addictions are the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity. So it can be a substance such as a food or drug, or it can be an activity such as it could be the way in which you behave in certain circumstances, and you're constantly exhibiting that behavior could be that you're labeled a narcissist or something like that, and you are sort of stuck in that, you know, that narcissistic behavior may be or it could be altruistic behavior may be stuck there. So certainly couldn't can be an an action, that you're exhibiting something that you do on a repetitive basis, that's not serving you. So that could be essentially just, you know, chilling out in front of Netflix and struggling to get back up and, and feeling very unfulfilled and feeling lazy or whatever associated with spending time watching endless amounts of hours of Netflix or whatever it may be that you're streaming. So that could be the activity that you're addicted to. Or it could be the substance such as you're addicted to chocolates or sugar or could be alcohol, it could be as I said, drugs, it can be any of these substances that you just, you know, essentially can't wait to have and you're thinking about when I'm next gonna have it and it's that really, it's occupying a lot of space and time and the mind could you could be addicted to a particular boyfriend or girlfriend that you have just recently meet met. And it's just occupying so much time and space in your mind and you're fantasizing over the relationship and and essentially, it's taking your way from being present. And so you're missing out on life and it's drawn you in like a magnet you feel sucked in like it this vortex. So yes, so essentially, it's a habit that keeps happening over and over again, whether it be an activity or a an attraction to a substance, and it's something that you find that's occupying a lot of space and time and really taking your way from life essentially. So it could be sucking you away from other areas of life. So if you're fixated on a relationship and and fantasizing over it and constantly thinking about it, then what other areas of your life, that may be a bit, maybe you may be creating a void in and that could be like family, it could be your career, it could be your education, it could be your spirituality, it could be any of these other areas. But essentially, if your space and time is, you know, in preoccupied thoughts, and everything is all around this addictive behavior or substance, then essentially it's taking you away from other areas of life and creating a void. And obviously, that void, if that gets really, really big, then it becomes an area that essentially you're disempowered in and things could you know, you might experience not so great things happen in that area. For example, if it's you're very fixated, as I said on that boyfriend or girlfriend, then you might not be so present at work, you might be making mistakes at work that could potentially result in being demoted or or dismissed and hence, finances suffer. And so it flows on because of this fixation or addiction to a particular activity or substance. That's the Oxford Dictionary summary. And it's essentially it's an imbalance of a perception around that attraction of that substance or activity been far more advantageous than this disadvantage or of disservice so you see so much more benefit in doing it as opposed to disadvantage or this service to you. And so you have this imbalance perspective of this substance and what it brings you and what changes or feelings it gives you as a result of having and getting some fulfillment of that substance. So when I mentioned that imbalance perspective, you know, I gave that example before of you have this infatuation over this relationship or this new relationship and you'll neglecting other areas of your life, then essentially, you're not seeing that at the time, you're only seeing all the benefits and all the joy and all the bliss and everything that's coming from that new relationship. And you're blindsided to what it's creating terms of voids in other areas of your life, and these voids grow. And then then issues start to emerge or concerns that emerge from these other areas that you didn't see, at that point in time, because you had this one sided, you know, there's, I guess, one side of view of this traction towards this particular person, and it was just occupying so much space and time in the mind, and that you just forgot about other areas of your life that then if you go back, and then if you start to balance the perspective of what you're doing, and then you'll start to see and realize at that point in time, rather than it start to control you in terms of addictive behavior, you will then be able to see, well, if I just keep doing this, I'm gonna create this void, and hence create other issues. And the thing is about addictive behavior, it may be so strongly one sided, that you struggled to see the balance in what you're doing. And you're balanced in that perspective. And so that's part of you know, that attraction towards that addictive behavior, or could be a sub addiction, which is going away from something trying to avoid something and doing everything to avoid that thing. So that's what Dr. John Demartini refers to as a sub addiction. So we're more probably going to be focused on this session around that going towards and wanting that prey and, you know, desiring that substance or activity, it could be sexual, it could be Tinder, for example, that you're on Tinder all the time, and looking for that sexual partner. And, and seeing only benefits coming from, you know, exhibiting this sort of behavior, whereas you're not seeing that that potential downside from that excessive behavior, or that very dominant addictive behavior. So this podcast is about helping you see that other perspective, and then helping rewire your brain. So you're doing the activity. So this is you doing it and applying it, to essentially understand that it's not taking you to, to, ultimately to what you want, and that is fulfillments people are on this earth to fulfill a mission. And your mission is defined by you living your values. And we're going to get into what are your values and defining those values, because that's the first part of the exercise. But I really wanted to cover off the addiction piece. And essentially, that addiction piece is when we're operating in that animal part of the brain that I mentio ned earlier, as opposed to that higher level of the brain, that prefrontal cortex, which gives you foresight and the ability to strategically plan and the ability to see things as they are, as opposed to fantasizing on what the how they should be. And that's addictions can arise from these fantasies that we have as we want the world to be a particular way. And what we're perceiving is that it's nice, and hence, we look for other things to fulfill that need to fulfill that void. And that can be a substance or an activity, as I mentioned, it's essentially it's that addictive behavior. So when we're in that lower part of the mind, which we refer to as the limbic center, so the limbic center is that emotional center, it drives our emotions. So you can get an idea is of this addictive behavior is if you're just only feeling an attraction to like, it's, it's so good, there's just so good. There's, it's like that chocolate is so good, or that hamburgers, so good, or that person that I've just met is just amazing. It's just all good. And essentially, that is our amygdala running us and telling us that it's prey, essentially, we want it we are attracted towards it, we want to indulge in it, we want to indulge in that person, we want to indulge in that chocolate, we want to indulge in the alcohol or drugs because it just brings such one sidedness to us, it just brings us joy and happiness. And we don't see the other side of what we're doing and what that behavior or substance is doing to us. We're only seeing one sided. It's a bit like smoking, for example, at that moment, when you have a cigarette, you're perceiving that you're feeling good, the stresses are dissolved and what-nots however, you're not seeing the other side and and connecting them both together. The other side is essentially what it's doing to your health and what it's doing to your longevity, your skin, your detoxification pathways. It's creating lots of inflammation and oxidation within your body and you'll, you will experience symptoms down the track from repetitive smoking in time but this podcast is wanting to help you with essentially is so that you see it at the moment. I as opposed to in time, because in time, there's obviously that damage done to your body. So if you're smoking a lot, or if you're drinking a lot, or taking a lot of drugs, it will catch up with you and express itself within symptoms of the body, there's obviously an imbalance. And that imbalance is caused from that imbalance perspective that you acquired a long time ago. So essentially, when we get stimulus from the environment, we have the sensory receptors such as you're aware, we have eyes, we have nose, we have taste, we have feeling tactile to all these senses are picking up environmental cues hearing was, and here's another one that I didn't mention our hairs on our bodies and things like that, or pick picking up information. And essentially, that information comes into us. And we then start to gather associations with that information. So the lower level associations will just see that play pain pleasure scenario, or that prey predators scenario. So it's that quick judgment as to assessing whether it's a threat. And essentially that in some, in some cases, particularly around addictions, that's where it gets stuck. And we don't take it to higher levels of the brain where there's more and more associations, and we can start to balance the perspective of what our senses are gathering in terms of information, we can start to see both sides. So we're conscious of what we're perceiving through our senses. However, there's an unconscious element that we can attain through higher levels of thinking in our brain and through more associations of neural pathways and past experiences, and being able to really elevate the thinking around, okay, if I do this behavior, if I have this substance, I can see both sides of it, I can see yes, there's things that I'm really pursuing. And then there's, in terms of what benefits that brings me. But then I'm also aware of the how it's just serving me and taking me away from what's important to me, and you then get a balanced perspective of what you're doing. But that's higher levels of the brain. And we're certainly going to go through how to get your thinking in terms of higher levels in the brain, as opposed to being stuck in that judgment, and just seeing one sided and not seeing both sides, at a time of having that Oreo biscuit or chocolate or alcohol. It's just all good. And the dates, see the balanced perspective that it has good and bad. And you need to put it into context with where you want to go in life, and whether it's serving you to get to where you want to based on what's important to you. So I hope that helps in terms of that lower level thinking and higher level thinking, obviously, a much healthier state of thinking is that higher level of thinking where we're seeing a balanced perspective, we can assess our stimulus or what we're perceiving through high level thinking. And that will enable us to get a more objective view of what we're experiencing, and then assess whether it's taking us towards our mission or away from our mission. And in 2023, I'm sure you're wanting to go more towards your mission, hence why you're looking at the new year with a fresh perspective. And what I'm about to share with you will help you take you towards you achieving your mission, your goals for 2023. So in terms of this imbalance perspective, and we get this through this amygdala thinking, just to better explain that amygdala, it's really seeing things as black and white, it's seeing as whether it's prey or predator that quick judgment, do I need to get to that prey and consume it to survive? Or do I need to get away from that predator to survive. And so it's that survival level of thinking. And we rarely come up in today's world, in a situation where our survival is threatened at that moment in time, rarely very rare. And certainly our neural pathways to this a judgment center, or the limbic center, a really fast pathway. So if a car is about to hit us, we will respond really quickly. You don't need to stop pause and think, Is there more benefits of getting away from this car or, or just getting hit by the car, you will respond? It's instinctual, okay, you're getting away from that threat. And again, we've got this impulse part of the brain that's wanting us to take us towards the prey of what we want. And this is what's driving this very much this addiction behavior is I just want that so bad because it's perceived to be so good. But we're going to change that perception that you have today and get a balanced perspective. Okay, so I want to put this into context of emotional eating. I'm sure we've all experienced that. I certainly experienced the times of emotional eating and in terms of what's going on, when you're looking at that chocolate or their hamburger, you're thinking, wow, that's that looks so tempting. It's very desirable. I can smell it in the aromas, the saturated fats that I'm smelling just real turning on my taste receptors, my mouth starting to water and what-not. And so you're starting to get really drawn to this and wanting it really bad. And that amygdala thinking, not thinking of the other side, it's thinking, well, you need to survive, you need something highly calorific that will keep you alive for longer. And essentially, you're in that amygdala center, that Animal Center. And what you could do in that moment is pause, and think. Okay, and weigh it up. Okay. So yes, it's highly calorific. It's very tasty. And then look up the other side, in terms of Well, is it taking you towards your health goals? Or is it taking you away? Is it a decision that you want to engage in the relationships around you, so you're weighing it up, you're weighing up that decision, but it's more, you're looking at it objectively. So you may want to say, well, I'm going to enjoy it with my friends, I'm around my friends, we're going to now just enjoy this meal together. And I'm not going to be thinking about how many calories are in it, or, you know, mentally sabotaging myself and putting myself down and telling myself that I'm hopeless, because I'm having this I'm getting I'm fat, and all that sort of stuff. Essentially, you've made an objective decision to inhabit and enjoy it with your friends, as opposed to just having it and not enjoying it, and then realizing the pain afterwards. So you have the pleasure. And there's time and space separation between when you eat it. And when you start to have these thoughts that oh, it's not sitting well on my digestive system, or it's feels heavy and a, and then you start feeling the symptoms of reflux and indigestion, and maybe some bloating and what-not. And you're feeling lethargic, and, and so this is you experiencing the pain associated with that earlier pleasure, but you didn't have them connected at the same time. What the prefrontal cortex or the higher level thinking does is you integrate both sides at the same time and can make up a way up that objective decision around what you're doing, as opposed to realizing you made subjective decision at the time and ignoring one side of it. And then you start to experience the other side, which is the not so desirable side. And then you're starting to regret doing what you did. And so this objective thinking is essentially taking you to see both sides, allowing you to see both sides, as opposed to just that one side of perspective and instinctually, or impulsively, we are wired to do it quickly and fast, right, and not to worry about the other side, because it's all about survival. But you're not in a survival situation, the times that you are very rare. And you'll respond accordingly in those times that you are needed to respond quickly, or impulsively or instinctually, towards that scenario. But in most scenarios we come up against today, it's essentially we are just either sitting in our amygdala ranges, seeing the good and not weighing up the other side and and then feeling that the next day or shortly afterwards. Or that same thing is that Tinder date, you might be, you know, maybe already dating someone else. And then you see someone else pop up and Tinder that wants to indulge in you. And then you seek that indulgence. And then you then you realize afterwards that okay, now I've got to deal with the other side, my actual partner, and now I've got to manage that. And then you're thinking that wasn't so good. But that was after the fact I would much rather you see it objectively at the time, and getting to that more higher level thinking and out of that animal thinking so that you can make decisions that are really taking you forward in life. So I hope that helps in terms of weighing this sort of assessment up in an emotional eating context. And it's good to look at what's driving that emotional eating. And you know, generally speaking, and fulfillment, you're unfulfilled in what you're doing at that point in time, and you're looking for fulfillment. And it's the same with that addictive behavior is that you're feeling unfulfilled, and you go towards that addictive behavior to get fulfillment. So let's talk about how you can essentially be on fulfillment, and be living fulfillment as opposed to be driven by addictive behavior and then regretting it afterwards, because of this unfulfillment. So essentially, we get all these all this feedback. So if we're procrastinating and feeling not so great, and feeling emotional, and what-not, that's all feedback that we have an imbalance of perspective, and that we're doing things that aren't aligned to who we truly are to what's important to us to our values. And so that's what we're going to get into now is aligning to your values, deciding what's important to you, and then start living those values. And once you're in alignment and leaving who you truly are and being authentic, that's when you won't, you have fulfillment. You don't need to seek fulfillment externally, you have fulfillment within. And so it's really important to understand what's important to you. And we're going to talk about it in this podcast in terms of getting that idea of what's important to you. But Dr. John Demartini, on his website, Dr. demartini.com, has these values determinant. So you can actually do his values determinant where he walks you through how to work out your values, and it gives you a report. So I'll include that link in the show notes. So you can go there and do his values determinant assessment. In the meantime, I'll take you through it so that you can just sort of get the feel for where it's going and to understand what's important to you. And whether you're living the life of what's important to you, or you're living someone else's life. If you're living someone else's life and living in their values, then that is unfulfilling. And that's when you're going to feel the need to seek fulfillment externally, such as addictions. So start with what inspires you. So start to think about, when do you feel inspired? What are you doing, that gives you that feeling of inspired, for example, I'm inspired when I'm doing this, this gives me fulfillment, hence why I keep producing episodes, because it's I'm living out my values, my values is number one is it's not in any order here. But there's my top three values I'll share one of them is my health. So researching and understanding what I can do to improve my health. And I'm constantly doing that as if you want to join me then join the me and my health up club, I've also got a link to the me and my health up club in the show notes. And you can come on and do what works for you on your journey whilst we do it together. So I'll be sharing the latest evidence based research around how you can improve your health. And I'll be implementing and sharing what's working for me, you can go on your journey, start implementing it, and then discovering what works for you. And we'll be doing something new every month. So Go in, go to the the me and my health up club, join me and we can go on a journey together. I'm constantly improving my health, and you will be 12 ways better in 2023, with your health for joining the me and my health up club for the cost of two coffees a month, Hence. So very cheap. And it's a great way to have 12 health improvements in 2023, embedded sustainable that works for you for every month, we're working through a new health habit. So check out the link. So that's one of my values is my health, my second value, or second or another one of my top three is helping others, such as doing this podcast, I'm empowering others with knowledge on health and wellness so that they can empower their lives. So this is why I love doing the podcast, I'm not only educating myself, I'm educating others. And so it's fulfilling my mission. And it's great, I can sit here and talk all day, which I won't, because you haven't got all day to listen to me. So that's like two out of my three values. And my third value is family Family is very important to me. And so I'll always prioritize these top three over everything else. So for example, going out for entertainment isn't high on my value list. So I will prioritize doing things with my family, or prioritize doing an episode on the podcast above going and entertaining myself in some way. Whether it be going out for dinner, or going to a pub, I'm okay doing that with my family. But I'm not necessarily going to just do it because I want to. So that's my top three values. Now I want you to think about what inspires you. What are you doing when you feel inspired? What fills you with energy? So when you feel that you have boundless energy, regardless of how much you slept, regardless of how well you've eaten? When do you feel that you've got endless energy that you could go all day and all night, essentially without eating and sleeping? So what is it? What tasks are you doing? What actions are you doing? What are you doing? Also, the other way to think about it? What mornings? Do you just jump out of bed spontaneously jump out of bed, it gets you up. And you don't even have to consider about just roll over and get a few more minutes of sleep. You're getting up for something that's important to you. So think about Yeah, what inspires you? What fulfills you with energy? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What is it you're doing that time seems to just fly? It just goes by so quickly? What is it write down what you're doing in those moments where time just goes, it could be spending time with friends, and time just seems to disappear. You know that five hours just gone. So that is really important to you spending time with friends. Or it could be the same with family or it could be your partner. So what do you love talking about externally? So when the conversation turns to this particular subject, and your friends look at you and think, Wow, you really love this subject, you know so much about the subjects. And they really start to think well you essentially command the conversation. If you take over the conversation. What is it you're talking about it write it down? What is it that you internalize that you constantly thinking about that lifts you that doesn't bring you down it lifts you up so what is that internal discussion that you're having so that internal dialogue external dialogue where you most reliable and discipline so you most organized in terms of order filing systems having you know all these systems in place where you most disciplined were you most reliable in terms you always show up ahead of time or never late were you most reliable for me? I'm always reliable to meeting my exercise times. I never missed them. I'm always there. It's always happens most reliable when I'm going to see my Parramatta Eels team play, you know, don't miss kickoff, make sure I'm there on time. So they're the things that I'm, you know, really on time for, I'm very liable. I'm not very reliable when it comes to a family commitment, pick up my children or my partner, my wife. So it's, yeah, where are you most reliable, most discipline, so write them down. And so you're going to start getting a bit of overlap in those areas. And what keeps popping up for you, what keeps popping up for me, is health, other people's health, helping other people with their health and family that keeps popping up. And then there's my money in terms of earning money so that I can help fulfill my dreams in terms of the work I want to do in the community and help others and help my family grows. So where I spent that's the other one in terms of what you value is where you spend your money. So what are you spending your money on other than the basic core necessities of life in terms of that, that convenience? That's not called convenience? It's that core expenditure and that expenditure. That's discretionary. That's it discretionary spending? Where does that money go? So mine doesn't go towards entertainment? Why discretionary spending goes towards my health, my family's health hands, and I look at investments as to how I can grow and get money to work for me. So that's me, what are you? What are you spending your money on. So write down them see what's common, if nothing's popping up, then go to the Dr. demartini.com values determinants, there's a tab to the first tab, go and do the values determinant, it will spit out a report and make it very clear to you as to what's important to you, and then start living it Okay, you'll feel fulfilled just living your values. So in terms of understanding your values, then it's been comfortable saying no, when people asking you to live outside of your values, so I'm very comfortable at saying no, when I get invited to copious amounts of dinners and lunches and White Night I look at what it is I look at is it fulfilling my values, if it doesn't, I don't do it. And I'm not going into that function and feeling unfulfilled, and hence eating junk food or drinking copious amounts of alcohol because I met something that um, fulfills me, I'm only doing the key things that really fulfill me. And so I don't have any impulsive behavior towards anything, because I'm doing what drives my mission, what's important to me writing the life that I want, and making the impact on the world that I can do the work that I love doing so and then the other one is everyone has unique set of values. And don't compare yours to others. Yours is completely unique. It is your blueprint, it's your like your thumbprint or your retina prints, or Rechner patterns, or whatever it is. So it's completely unique to you. There may be a little bit of overlap with others, but it is really completely unique that list and that's what makes you so special. And that's your special contribution to the world is you living out your values when you're living by other people's values, you are not only doing disservice to you, you are providing disservice to the world because you're not being truly you. And being the best version of you the only way you can be the best version of you if you are being authentic and living the life that you were brought here to live. And that's alignment to what's important to you. And these days will change as you go through phases of life. So it's important that you do check in because they will change as you go through these different phases of life. So really just making sure if you're living by your values, then that will obviously help in terms of reducing the addictive behavior because it's when you're doing things that are unfulfilling is when you go towards that addictive behavior to give you fulfillment okay? Okay, so let's break this addiction so besides living your values what else can you do? So I want you now to write down on a bit of paper what are the benefits this addiction is bringing you so the clearly understand why you're doing what you're doing? Why do you smoke okay, what benefits does smoking bring to you there's a calm your mind does it bring calmness to your mind so you're not as agitated and so worked up and you can just it helps you relax for example, that may be one benefit. What's the next benefit write down the benefits one after another to you completely exhausting. You can't come up with any more benefits of that addictive behavior and Understanding that is understanding what's driving it. Okay. So it's understanding what you're seeking to fulfill that void. So I just mentioned smoking and might bring calmness to the mind. Same with alcohol might bring calmness to the mind, drugs may take you out of your mind. You're escaping from something right. So how is it serving you? How is that addiction serving you, then I want you to write down. What else could you do to fulfill that benefit? So for example, the calming of the mind through alcohol or smoking, for example, calming of the mind, just bringing you down so that you can finally relax. What else can you do that does that for you, for example, it could be going for a walk with the dog, it could be spending time with friends, it could be going to do some exercise, it could be meditating, it could be any of these things that also calm your mind. So it's what works for you. It's not necessarily what other people are doing. It's essentially what works for you. What else can you do that fulfills that benefit around smoking, calming the mind, and then go through each benefit that you've listed and write what else you know. And you may find that a lot of them, you find I could do that for that I could do this for that I could do this for that. And it could be very common in terms of fulfilling each benefit. So that walking the dog or hanging out with friends or going for a walk with your partner, or it could be going for a swim in the ocean, it could be just walking bare feet in the park, whatever brings you that calming of the mind, it's different for everyone. So just start thinking about that in terms of what other things you can do, and then do that for each benefit that you've come up with around your addiction. Okay. And then you'll start to see what's commonly coming up. Okay, that's part of the exercise, then you link what's commonly coming up to the fulfillments, your highest values. So for example, I Take me for example, so just say if I was a smoker, and one of the benefits I get from smoking was that it calms my mind, what else comes my mind? For me, it is playing with my children, that calms my mind. For me, it is doing things with my children, or having a conversation with my wife, or talking about my day, and expressing how I'm feeling or something like that, that also comes my mind. Okay, so now I'm going to take a common one which popped up again, there'll be a few common ones across all the benefits, and what are the things you can do to serve those benefits, right? So that common thing, then you're linking to your highest value? So I mentioned playing with my children. So how does that fulfill my highest values? Well, it fulfills my highest values, because family is very important to me. So spending time with family, investing time in family and helping my family thrive and be the best versions of themselves is brings me fulfillment. So therefore, that playing with children, instead of having that cigarette will help serve my highest value of family. Okay, playing with my children, how else does it serve my highest values while playing with my children calms my mind. And it's also going to help my health isn't it because it's allowing my mind to calm down and my body to start calming down and to start relaxing, and then the repair can go on. So that's another link to my highest values. How can playing with my children fulfill the value of serving others? Well, when I've got a calm mind, when I'm in the present moment, that's when I'm going to start being creative in terms of ideas that pop up, and maybe an idea in terms of how I can better serve my customers pops up, and I can help them fulfill their health needs by that idea. And so maybe I come up with, you know, connecting with your children program. And that would serve certainly, you know, a certain populations healthy family objective is start to see where I'm developing neural pathways and associations between that new behavior that fulfills what my addiction was fulfilling, or one of the benefits of my addiction and how now I'm connecting that to higher levels of my brain, which is my values and writing down how that new objective so rewiring my brain how that new objective is fulfilling nor my new objective, my new action, such as playing with my children is fulfilling my highest value, okay, and some, I'm creating neural pathways in doing this exercise. So do it, do it for each and every benefit in terms of what came up and how it serves your highest values. So what's the alternative to smoking? What's the alternative to taking alcohol or having alcohol? What's the alternative to your sex addiction? What's your alternative to eating chocolate? What you know, what is the benefit you get from them? How else can you serve that benefit and that something else? How is that aligned to your highest good I use, okay. And if it doesn't align to your highest values, then come up with something else that you do can do in order to fulfill that benefit that the addiction is bringing you. Okay? And you're creating neural pathways, neural pathways in your brain. So you're creating this neural network neuroplasticity is working for you. So start linking it to your highest values, and then start writing down. How will that help you achieve what's important to you start more linkages look for more linkages, then ask the how is that helping and be really definitive in your description and getting these neural pathways embedded, so you can really see it, you can see how this new task will fulfill the benefit the addiction was giving you in a more fulfilling way. Okay? That's the objective. Okay. And then what you want to do after you've done that, for every benefit that the addiction brings you, and linking the new tasks, to fulfilling your highest values, and how that is fulfilling those highest values, and really being clear on that, then you go back to the addictive behavior, okay? And how fat is not fulfilling your highest values, how it is, is of disservice to your highest values, okay. And then you're starting to disassociate the neurons to thinking, well, it's not taking me towards what I want to achieve in my area of health, or my area of highest value, okay? And so you're starting to an unlock, unlock, or breakthrough, or cut down those pathways that have been this, this of disservice to your highest values, that's not taking you towards fulfillment towards your mission. Okay. So that's the part of that activity is then looking at how smoking is not meeting your highest values, such as my health, how is it not meeting my highest values, I'm going to listen, listen, and listen and come up with a massive list until I'm completely exhausted of all the disadvantages, disservice that smoking is to my health, and to the health of my clients, and to my family, write them all down and keep writing until the point where you're completely exhausted, you can think of no more and you will start to feel the release of this addiction, essentially, you'll start to see that it's no longer serving you it doesn't serve you in your highest values. It's no longer it's taking you so far off mission that is just not funny and you'll start to then associate these new areas to giving you fulfillment but also meeting that benefit of what you're getting from the addiction and you'll start doing these new things such as for me it was playing with my children okay, that if I was a smoker, but I'm not so then I really want you to start planning out so now it's important to put this all into action and start planning out your activities around how you're going to implement this into your day into your into your weekly program into your monthly programs. So how you going to bring in these new tasks? These are new substances so the new substances could be like a smoothie or something that it whatever it is replacing the Oreo biscuit or, or is it you know, instead of going to the Oreo biscuit, maybe you realize that the moment you want the Oreo biscuit is the moment that you're procrastinating and you're doing work, that's unfulfilling, maybe at that point, you just think I'm going to switch to a task that brings me fulfillment, and you'll switch from that task. And that thought of that needing that Oreo for fulfillment is then replaced with you doing fulfilling work. So maybe it's switching to your hobby for like third 20 or 30 minutes and then that connection with the Oreo biscuit will be gone, you will not no longer have that desire for that Oreo biscuit. So that can be another strategy is just think well, I'm going to switch tasks. Or the other thing is if that task that you're doing is unfulfilling, then link that task to how it serves your highest values. Again, you'll start to see how you can rewire your brain ask different questions and be able to change your behaviors and orientated so it serves you and keeps you on mission. Okay? So that's really important. So write out this plan, this action plan of how and when you're going to do these tasks that are going to replace this addictive behavior. So maybe you're doing this addictive behavior when it was when people were saying I'll just go for a smoke I want a break from work. So what is it that you can do as a substitute to that to what you'd normally do when you're smoking cigarettes, okay? So start to come up with alternatives and things that alternatives that keep you on mission and keep you fulfilled. Okay? So it's, it's starting to them plan and strategize how you're going to put this new tasks that gives you the benefit of what you're getting from your addiction. Hope you're following, I certainly reach out if you're not following after the episode, and I can help get you back on track. So certainly, that's what I'd love to help you with. And, again, some of these addictions as a result of our fantasies. And so if you're dissatisfied with what you're observing in the world, because you have a fantasy of way of how the world should be or the way someone should behave, and the reality is that that's not being met, then you need to look at that fantasy that you have around the world around another individual or around yourself and fantasy around yourself in terms of this, as you know, like essentially, coming up with a, a false persona reviewer, essentially. So start thinking about is their fantasies driving this and the fact that you want the fantasy, the reality is not producing that fantasy, and hence you go for these addictions, for that fulfillment, meet that gap between the reality and your fantasy. So maybe you need to do the exercise of dissolving the fantasy. How is that fantasy of disservice to you and your highest values. So then write down your fantasy what it is of how someone should behave, or how the world should be? And how is that fantasy of disservice, on or taking you off path of you fulfilling your highest values. And that will help dissolve the fantasy keep coming up with those linkages until that fantasy is no longer relevant. Okay, that's an exercise you can do to dissolve that fantasy. Or if it's a sub addiction, and you're running away from something you want to avoid, because you see, you see this nightmare scenario, you imagine this nightmare scenario than it could be? What are the advantages of that nightmare scenario? What service will that night's nightmare scenario bring to you and your highest values, so you can start to do this dissolving of these nightmares and fantasies, and start to see the other side again, it's about balancing that perspective about elevating your thinking to that higher level of thinking. Okay, so I'm going to wrap it up shortly, I just want to make sure that you prioritize your day. So you're doing things that are fulfilling for you that help you on mission to keep to your highest values as to what's important to you. And realize when you're procrastinating or getting off task is that you must be doing something of lower value of lesser importance, and hence why you don't feel fulfilled. And then you're seeking that addictive behavior to give you that fulfillment to fulfill the void. Okay, so if you can delegate that lower value, so it could be cleaning the house, if that gives you unfulfillment and you procrastinate on cleaning the house, and hence, you eat a packet of Oreos or packet of chocolate, maybe then look at outsourcing that job to someone that likes doing it. That's, maybe that job is fulfilling to someone else. And that's how the world works is make sure everyone's doing a job that's fulfilling to them. And then we get this synergistic effect of the all of the world doing what they love doing. And it's it's very possible people just need to be authentic and to be who they are. And if if someone's asking you to live by their values and do something, what's important to them? And that's not aligned to your values, be comfortable saying, Thank you, but no, thank you. No, I'm on mission, okay? And get comfortable with saying that that can be really important. So I've realized now that I don't do these events, or all these things that I get invited to, because unless they are aligned to my highest values, I go there and I feel unfulfilled, and I don't want to be there. And I'm not helping that person by being there. Because they can see that I don't want to be there. So I might as well not be there. If you understand what I'm saying. So be comfortable with saying no, no, thank you. Now, in terms of keeping that sort of composure to the mind. Essentially, you can bring that through controlling your breathing so you can if something's frustrating you, you've you've got an imbalance perspective of that person or of that event that's happened to you. And if you just take some deep breaths, and allow that time to collate your thoughts and to elevate your thinking and to see both sides of the event or both sides of that person, then you will respond in an appropriate way that enhances that relationship. or helps you make a decision that's aligned to your objectives. Okay, so, pause, take a pause and breathe, okay, breathe. The best breathing in order to balance your nervous system is that square Breathing, inhaling for, say, four seconds or whatever you can inhale for hold for the same amount of time, breathe out for the same amount of time, and then hold for the same amount of time and then visualize that square breathing. And that will balance the autonomic nervous system. It will allow you to compose yourself, and to then start thinking objectively and, again, you can let that person know saying, Look, I'm just collating my thoughts. Let me think about it. And I'll respond to you shortly. And and that will calm the fiery situation down, it will help dampen the fire, it will get you in control of how you want to respond and make a an appropriate action as opposed to a reaction to what's been sent to you. And that will help defuse the situation and will help enhance the outcome. Because your respond in a more thoughtful and objective way. Some regular practices that can really help this staying calm and centered, are things that keep you centered and calm. So whatever works for you, it could be yoga, it could be Tai Chi, it could be walking in nature, it could be hanging out with your besties, whatever works for you just to do that regularly, to allow that composure and allow you to stay with that elevated thinking, and not be in that, you know, reactive thinking that animal thinking that impulsive, instinctual thinking. Okay, so that's very much it for today's episode. I hope you enjoyed it. If you want more help in this area, please reach out for me, I can provide one on one consulting around this and helping you see a balanced perspective, helping you to neutralize trauma, or perceive trauma or events in your life that are really occupying a lot of time and space in the mind. So if that's you, and you're wanting further support beyond what I've provided in this workshop today, then please reach out to me Anthony Hartcher. And I'd love to help you in a one on one consult, and help you through this and really help you see the balance, the grace, the love in what's happened and help you live in a state of presence, a state of centeredness, and help you live a fulfilling life. Most importantly, in 2023, I want you to start on your pathway to fulfillment and stay on mission. Okay, so this could be the beginning for you and a long journey of living a fulfilling life and there's no better point to start than now. So take on board what I've shared with you today, if you think someone else could benefit from this, please share it with them could really help them in 2023. And as I said, I'm always here if you need further support, so you're booking a consultation with me I'll include the link in the show notes as well to book a consultation with me to further help you propel you in a faster way and fast track you to a more fulfilled more authentic version of you. Happy New Year. Podcast disclaimer, this podcast and any information advice opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical healthcare or professional advice and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this podcast connected wellness Proprietary Limited operating under the brand is me and my health up does not make any representations or give any warranties about his accuracy, reliability, completeness or suitability for any particular purpose. This podcast and any information advice, opinions or statements within it are not to be used as a substitute for professional medical, psychological psychiatry or any other mental health care or health care in general. May Mr. Hill Start recommends you seek the advice of a doctor or qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Inform your doctor of any changes that you make to your lifestyle and discuss these with your doctor. Do not disregard medical advice or delay visiting a medical professional because of something you hear in this podcast. This podcast has been carefully prepared on the basis of current information. changes in circumstances after publication may affect the accuracy of this information to the maximum extent permitted by the law may have my health disclaims any such representations or warranties to the completeness, accuracy merchantability or fitness for purpose of this podcast and will not be liable for any expenses losses damages incurred indirect or consequential damages or costs that may be incurred as a result of the information being inaccurate or incomplete in any way and for any reason. Nope. Part of these podcasts can be reproduced or redistributed published copied or duplicated in a form without prior permission of me and my health up.